The Voices Come At Night

You're lucky, they said.   So, so lucky to have a nice home.

You cried and threw up all the time as a child.  You wore me out taking care of you.


Too bad I couldn't be there when you won second place at the spelling bee.  Too bad it wasn't first place.

You can't pay attention to anything; you wander off in the middle of doing stuff.

You're failing to live up to the family tradition.  Why don't you want to major in science?

You sleep all the time.


You never do anything around the house.

You're selfish, they said.

You're stupid, they said.

If you ever misbehave with a boy, you'll be on the street.

You're a total screwup, they said.

You could stand to lose a few pounds, they said.

You're a bitch, they said. 

Why can't you find a decent guy?   

We love you so much, why don't you have any self esteem, they said.

You're depressed (age 19)?  We can't afford to take you anywhere, and only crazy people need to talk to a psychologist.

God, we've spent a fortune on your college!  ($2000 for a BA, tuition, books, parking)

He doesn't love you, he's just USING you.  Do not bring him around the house again  (first love).

Oh God, now we have to rescue you again, they said.

You're a bad, bad person for loving a black man, they said. 

If you have a child with this man, they said, that child will be labeled "a mistake."

Don't expect us to babysit any child you have, they said.

Your room is so filthy and messy, they said.

You're selfish.

So very selfish.


The most selfish person I've ever seen.

You don't want to go to church (age 14)  Vicious slap to the cheek! 

I don't remember that. You're making it up.

I don't like that Christmas present.  Take it back to the store.

Your boyfriend needs to leave the house right now.  We heard him saying bad things to you.   Why don't you have any self esteem?

You're a slut.

You're a bad, bad girl.

You can write well.   Why don't you write a book?   I won't be proud of you until your first book is in the stores, they said.

That silly little thing you write on the internet?  You have x number of clicks?  That's nice.  (yawn)

Marrying Roger was the best thing that ever happened to you.  You're so lucky, they said.

I don't want you, said my birth mother.  You need to be happy with the wonderful family you have, and leave me alone forever.

Roger saved you!  Everybody says so.  I hear that my uncle said that to my parents.  Everybody agrees.  I nod my head, dumbly.

Your needs aren't important, they said.  We have other fish to fry.    "What can I do for you, dear?" they said.  "Oh, they said, "I thought you were somebody else."

No, your kids can't spend the night.  I don't have time for that.  (My kids never spent a night with my mother.  Not one).

I can't go to the hospital with you to find out if you have cancer after your surgery.  I have stomach problems.

You're so selfish.

You never come to visit me.

Why don't you have your children baptized? 

Go buy me a hamburger, now!   

I want the family heirlooms to go to the blood members of the family.

I stayed home with my kids because I wanted to give them the best start in life.    You didn't.  You don't care.

You're better watch out!  Your child is going to be a tramp JUST LIKE YOU.

I think you have Attention Deficit Disorder.

You're a bitch.

You're stupid.

You're a thief.   You're sneaky and a thief.   

I'll call you...when I want something.

Your work in managing funds....doesn't deserve to be compensated.

Don't brag all the time...
 
"I'm pretty!  I'm smart!  I look nice in that dress!" I say.

Why don't you ever wait for ME to compliment YOU? says my husband.

You're worthless, they said.

You're so lucky to have such a wonderful family and so many wonderful memories.

The voices come at night.

They whisper to me, seductively.

You're worthless now.  You were bad before, but now you're really worthless.  

You can't work.  

You sleep all the time.    

You're in pain?  Nothing compared to what I suffer.You have no compassion. The voices come at night.  They whisper to me.

You know...I used to wonder why I was depressed so often. Why, when I was so lucky.  So so lucky.