You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me

the puppy dog eyes

School has started. We've picked up the information packets, we've filled out forms until the pens died, we've bought the supplies. Supplies. Dear Lord, supplies. Pocket Protector, Blue, Plastic, 1 inch wide, on sale at midnight at a store 20 miles away. Madeleine needed a notebook (WHITE ONLY) 1 inch thick. Walmart only had a WHITE ONLY 1 1/2 inch notebook. I threw it in the cart. I hope I don't get called to the principal's office and my disobedience put on my PERMANENT RECORD.

As the years go by we've (DH & I) have developed a rather cavalier attitude. Meredith needed 25 1 quart ziplock bags. Walmart only had them in boxes of 40. Roger opened the box and carefully extracted 15 of the bags. She needed two 7.5 bottles of antibiotic hand sanitizer and Walmart only had 12 oz bottles, and seriously, guys, Roger was preparing to PUMP OUT THREE OUNCES FROM EACH BOTTLE. I think being a SAHD is warping him a little. I slapped his hand with a rolled up newspaper and he whimpered softly and left the hand sanitizer alone.

And the forms! Egads! Madeleine's teacher had one innocent question on her form. "Has anything happened in her family that might have an effect on her classroom performance?" The brief answer here is no. Madeleine and I both have Teflon-like abilities to brush away events that would devastate the more sensitive members of our house, Roger and Meredith. For example, my grandmother died when I was a junior in high school. I had a perfect attendance record at our high school football games since I loved them plus I was in the band. Grandmother, bless her heart, had been senile as long as I could remember, and I never really formed any sort of relationship with her. The words "You're really making me miss the game just for a stupid funeral?" may have escaped my lips sometime during this family crisis.

But of course, how could I resist writing about myself? I mean come on now! To channel Chandler on Friends, Could I BE more interesting? I think not! I filled a page starting in October of 06 when I thought I had cancer and then I had to have a total hysterectomy December 06 and then developed fibromyalgia in Jan 07 and Madeleine's father had to quit his job in June 07 because I could only do 2 things, work and collapse and then her grandmother developed Alzheimer's and has been so far this year in TWO nursing homes and THREE hospital stays and so on and so on and then I referred her to this blog if she wanted more detail. And I am just as sure as I can be that she leaped on this blog like a leopard leaps on a wounded gazelle. Mmmmmhmmmmm.

They start early these days with the fund raisers. Raise your hands if you feel that fund raisers were a direct result of Satan worming his way into the hearts and souls of each school. Ok, I get fund raisers for cash-strapped private schools, but this is a public school. I delivered a lovely civic lecture and showed the kids our property tax bill, ending with a rousing call to ignore all the gazillions of fund raising brochures they were presented with. I held them spellbound as I explained the intricacies of property law taxation. Well, not really. They just continued to watch Hannah Montana.

But later on two little girls came to me with the puppy dog eyes and begged me to buy something. I refused on principle. To heck with the principal!! hardehar.

I said you may not sell to:

1. My friends.

2. Roger's friends.

3. Relatives.

"But mom," they said, WE WANT TO WIN A PRIZE!"

"So sell to the neighborhood, then," I said, figuring that my shy little ladies would never dream of marching up to strange doors to sell merchandise.

This weekend I've been kinda laid up with a stomach problem, and it seems to be circling the neighborhood, because today one child came over to swim and lost control of his bowels while standing on the steps leading to the porch. My God. That poor, poor child. Poor, poor Roger, who had to clean it up.

So while I lay comatose moaning and clutching my stomach.....

The kids went all over our neighborhood and sold stuff to just about everybody!! (I must admit it was really cool stuff and I might even buy something myself) Roger crabbed about it because it forced him to abandon his yard projects to play chaperone, but by gum, those kids just marched up to strange doors and rang the bell.

Amazing.

p.s. Callie is doing great.

Introducing Callie

Meet Callie!!!

Way back in the olden days before Al Gore invented the internet I had two dogs, Nicky and Cassie. Nicky went blind at age 6 from an inherited disease called Progressive Retinal Atrophy and Cassie was rescued from a puppy mill. They both had a lot of problems. Nicky's were primarily physical and he wasn't real smart. In fact, I probably should have called him Bubba. Cassie was superbly healthy but had terrible mental problems. She never recovered from her year in a puppy mill.

Here is picture of me holding my two little angels way back before the children arrived.

I had to put Cassie to sleep a few months after I began this blog back in 2005 and I had to put Nicky to sleep the year before. And it broke my heart. Yeah, yeah. Anytime a family pet goes to heaven it breaks people's hearts. Well, MY HEART WAS BROKEN WORSE THAN YOURS. No, not really. It's just a shame that animals have such short lives. I did not want to ever put another dog to sleep. I did not want to ever get attached to another pet.

Then I was possessed with the spirit of Barry Manilow and the following lyrics went through my head:

You remind me I live in a shell,

Safe from the past,

and doin' okay, but not very well.

No jolts, no surprises,

No crisis arises,

My life goes along as it should,

it's all very nice,

but not very good.

And I'm ready to take a chance again,

Ready to put my love on the line with you.

Been living with nothing to show for it;

You get what you get when you go for it,

And I'm ready to take a chance again

with you.

When she left me in all my despair,

I just held on,

My hopes were all gone.

Then I found you there.

And I'm ready to take a chance again

Ready to take a chance again with you,

With you.....

When people would ask me if I planned to get another dog I simply plastered a soulful expression on my face and waved my hand vaguely and said....well...you know..the CHILDREN are so young....and they would nod knowingly and walk away.

It didn't have anything to do with the children, but I've found that they offer great excuses to do things like:

Ride the ferris wheel

Go to Disney

Not work full time in the summer.

Man, I'm going to miss that when they're all growed up!!! Then I'll have to confess that all my activities are solely because *I* want to do them. Oh well. I still have a few years left.

Well, this spring I decided I wanted a dog. Dealing with mom has been so stressful and heartbreaking. I decided I wanted a young, happy soul in my life. Lacking the guts to have an affair, unlike John Edwards (you miserable &*&*&*&) and since Roger firmly vetoed any more human children, and he turned thumbs down on cats because his former live in girlfriend had 20 or so once upon a time, that left..dogs.

Now I have to go back and tell you a story which should convince you that I'm insane. Of course, most of you have already figured that out. But here it is.

Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005 and I began sobbing daily as I read stories of people drowning because they refused to leave their pets, and little kids having their beloved animals yanked out of their arms before boarding a rescue bus and Cassie (that's my poodle) spoke to me.

"Put me to sleep and adopt a Katrina orphan poodle," she said.

Now Cassie or Nicky talking to me was not unprecedented. Nicky never said anything much but "I'm hungry" or "My eyes hurt" (he eventually had to have his eyes removed due to PRA complications such as dry eyes) but Cassie and I communicated fairly regularly. I kept thinking that I heard her say stuff, but then I would dismiss it as me being, well, insane.

But I would swear on a stack of Bibles that she spoke to me. She hadn't been feeling very well for about a year due to Cushing's disease, but we had been managing. All of a sudden she was so weak she could barely walk and she lost all of her appetite.

"Well...ok....." I said. "If that's what you want. But I cannot adopt a Katrina poodle. I need some down time. I've been caring for sick, elderly dogs for years and the kids are still so young, really. I need some down time."

"Fine, but DO IT. Take me to the vet NOW."

"Will you help me pick out a new dog when the time is right?" I asked.

"Certainly," she replied calmly.

Well, the fit came over me and I posted on a poodle list, and within 1 hour I received an email from a local rescue friend. She had a new poodle with her, a happy, smart, healthy female poodle, only a year old, spayed, cute as a button. She was just going to post the dog on the rescue website, but thought that we might like her. OH HECK YEAH.

"But she must have a clean PRA test," I replied. So that's why we've waited so long after meeting her. They've developed a test now for that horrible disease. I would never adopt another poodle without that test, for PRA is quite common in poodles. Her test came back clear.

And she is everything I would wish for. She's smart. She's already doing lots of "Cassie" stuff. Cassie loved to follow Roger around the pool as he cleaned it. Cassie loved to walk on the brick just outside our screened back porch. So does Callie. She spent 6 months in a puppy mill, but it does not seem to have affected her. Joy shines out of her eyes.

I wanted to name her Delilah, but my whole family screamed, and her given name was "Silly" and our rescue angel named her "Sally" and I finally decided that her name would be Pei-Pei. (Meredith's nickname in her orphanage.) The kids stared hostilely.

"I thought Pei-Pei would honor your Chinese heritage," I tried to explain.

"IS THE DOG CHINESE?" they both replied. Gracious. I must stop sending them to school. They're getting way to smart.

So--Callie it is! Thanks to my sister for coming up with the name. It's close to our maiden name.

And Cassie, thanks! I knew you would keep your promise to me.

And now I must close with the song that I requested to be played at our wedding, sung by Aretha Franklin.

Like a warrior that fights

And wins the battle

I know the taste of victory

Though I went through some nights

Consumed by the shadows

And was crippled emotionally

Somehow I made it through the heartache

I escaped

I found my way out of the darkness,

kept my faith...kept my faith

And the river was deep

I didn't falter

When the mountain was high

I still believed

When the valley was low

It didn't stop me

I knew you were waiting

Knew you were waiting for me

With an endless desire I kept on searching

Sure in time our eyes would meet

And like the bridge is on fire

The hurt is over

One touch and you set me free

I don't regret a single moment

Looking back,

when I think of all those disappointments

I just laugh,

I just laugh!

So we were drawn together through destiny

I know this love we share was meant to be

I knew you were waiting..knew you were waiting for me.