Quote from Tricia Smith Vaughn, aka "Comic Mom", aka "Tricia Shore"... who also wrote this awesome article:One: Let's say that John is right and that he has indeed rescued a child from being an orphan. Why does he call himself that child's father? If John, or any other adopter of a foreign, or domestic, child sees him or herself as being a hero and adopting an orphan, then why can't he or she at least admit that the child has natural parents, not the demeaning bio-parent, or even worse, "birth parent." Being a replacement parent helps no one. And, in fact, that is a main point of my essay. In that sense, John gets it completely. Admitting that one is a guardian is an honest term that allows the child to retain her heritage and her dignity as a member of her natural family.
Gosh, that woman has opened my eyes.
So I "edited" Butterfly Kisses a little bit.
There's two things I know for sure....
WE WERE SURE LUCKY THAT WE PUT OFF PARENTHOOD BECAUSE OF OUR CAREERS OH! AND THE FACT THAT CANCER RAVAGED MY HUSBAND’S REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS WHEN HE WAS 17 DID HAVE A LITTLE BIT TO DO WITH IT, SO ANYWAY WHERE WAS I? OH YES, WE WERE ABLE TO BUY A KID BECAUSE OF THE EVIL ADOPTION INDUSTRY THAT RIPPED ME APART FROM LOVING BIRTH MOTHERS LIKE MINE! WHO TOLD THE DOCTOR IN 1959 I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT THING AGAIN..AND THEN AFTER THINKING IT OVER FOR 33 YEARS WROTE ME A LETTER IN 1992 AFTER I SPENT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS AND YEARS OF ANGUISH LOOKING FOR HER WROTE ME A LETTER AND SAID PLEASE GO AWAY FOREVER, I DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!! ANYWAY, WE WERE LUCKY BECAUSE WE WERE ABLE TO BUY OUR VERY OWN CHINA DOLL!!! IN FACT WE BOUGHT TWO OF THEM!!! EVIL CACKLE HERE....
She was sent here from heaven, and I’m her freaking LEGAL GUARDIAN.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night, she talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes.
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life,
But most of all, for...
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.
"Walk beside the pony MALE LEGAL GUARDIAN, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, MALE LEGAL GUARDIAN, but I sure tried."
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning,
And butterfly kisses at night.
Sweet sixteen today,
She's looking like her REAL MOTHER WHO IS TEN THOUSAND MILES AWAY AND HAD HER BABY STOLEN RIGHT OUT HER ARMS BY RICH WHITE INFERTILE PEOPLE, OF COURSE THE FACT THAT SHE LEFT THE CHILD IN A BOX ON A STREET CORNER WHEN SHE WAS A DAY OLD MIGHT HAVE HAD A LITTLE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT SHE ISN’T HERE TO SHARE IN THE INESTIMABLE JOYS OF RAISING THIS WONDERFUL CHILD,
a little more everyday.
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and makeup, from ribbons and curls.
Trying her wings out in a great big world.
But I remember...
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you LEGAL GUARDIAN,
But if you don't mind,
I'm only going to kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong
I must have done something right.
To deserve her love every morning,
And butterfly kisses at night.
All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly...
She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise,and I'll give her away.....
ALTHOUGH OF COURSE I NEVER ACTUALLY PARENTED HER, ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES IT SORT OF FELT LIKE IT THE HUNDREDS OF HOURS THAT WE CRIED AND LAUGHED TOGETHER AND SHARED OUR LIVES AS A MAKE BELIEVE FAMILY
Standing in the bride room just staring at her,
she asked me what I'm thinking, and I said
"I'm not sure,
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
Then she leaned over....and gave me....
Butterfly kisses, with her FEMALE LEGAL GUARDIAN there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle, MALE LEGAL GUARDIAN, it's just about time"
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, MALE LEGAL GUARDIAN?"
"LEGAL GUARDIAN, don't cry."
With all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning,
TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO AFFORD TO PURCHASE HER
And butterfly kisses.....
I couldn't ask God for more, man, this is what love is
I know I've gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
THE DAY WE PURCHASED HER AND BEGAN PRETENDING TO BE PARENTS
Every hug in the morning,
and butterfly kisses...at night
Posts
22 comments:
Who is that fucking person.....damnation....'xcuse my profanity.
I love "Butterfly Kisses" and your rendition is even more moving.
Okay. I just read the whole article (you know how difficult that was for me) and I am completely, absolutely, dumb-founded. Does that woman actually make a living as a comic? I can only hope that she reaps what she sows. Now, I am pissed.
You are awesome! Thank you for giving that idiotic woman annother verbal bitchslap, she needs it.
I love the dripping sarcasm! Love the re-write. As my daughter says, "Nutjaaab".
Very interesting. Never thought about those things before, but I think you are great for writing this!
All I can say is ... I changed her diapers, kissed her boo-boos, sat with her when she was sick, disciplined her when her mouth got a little too smart, held her when she cried, paid her tuition ... polycystic ovaries be damned, this IS my daughter! So ... can I go hit Tricia, too?
I. Love. You. I wish you could be my FEMALE LEGAL GUARDIAN too.
Could you rewrite "Your Mama Don't Dance and Your Daddy Don't Rock and Roll?" Great post.
--C/I See the Moon
Oh my gosh, I am DYING here. So awesome. When my daughter starts school, I'm going to put little notes in her lunch box and sign them "Love, FEMALE LEGAL GUARDIAN"
Hey Julianna, you need to drive down to LA and get yer tomatoes ready.
She is nutz. Nutz. Nutz.
But the sad thing is that over at blogginbaby.com she found some friends to agree with her.
that scares me.
I meant www.bloggingbaby.com
See? YOU are the REAL comic mom!
I don't bother with her. Nothing will change her mind.
Marla
I seldom read blogging baby, but I went over there to see what you were referring to. I noticed that most of the anti comments were written by the same people who posted multiple times. Further, Jen Ex and the mom who adopted Korean children presented rational perspectives opening the door for rational discourse, only to go unanswered (ignored). I think it was very naive of her to post an extremeist point of view on the World Wide Web (WWW) and be *surprised* she got hate mail. Lastly, please, someone tell me-- where is the comedy?
Marla
Outstanding blog! I got here via Jennifer Garrett, who does blog reviews and reviewed your blog.
I am still laughing about the wild tofu roaming the plains. Outstanding.
Yes, she's an antiadoption activist. She's very involved with that movement and so her point of view is pretty predictable.
In the past half-century, we have been encouraging mothers to give their child away and we call the people who take the child "parents," when guardian would be an honest term.
How disgusting for her to bring in Brave New World! In the very passage she quoted, the word "mother" is an obscenity, yet she seems to believe that it's obscene for adoptive "mothers," err, um, female legal guardians to use that dirty, lying word. I don't mind if people write stuff with which I disagree, but when they can't even get their own stories straight...(is she defending gay adoptive parents--it starts to sound that way, but if it's not OK for ANYONE to "pretend to be a family." And "pretending to breastfeed." If milk's coming out of a breast and the baby is eating, how is it NOT...? Lord, do I hate her!)
It's obvious, Lorrie. You have to send the girls back to China. The best thing to do would be to turn back time so they could be raised in orphanages, or maybe starved to death. It would be SO much more HONEST than PRETENDING to be her mother, you legal guardian, you!
I know this insane crap filled person. She is disrespectful to her friends and offers no apology for her rudeness!
She treats other people like they are there for her case studies and never has a real conversation.
You. Are. Brilliant.
Loved it.
absolutely hilarious!
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I just happened across your "Butterfly Kisses," and as an adult adoptee, and as someone who actually was once a friend of Tricia, I can assure you that her rants come from a very deep place of hurt, a place that I fear one day will not only consume her with the rage that is ever-present in everything she writes, but with a mourning that may overwhelm her to the point of emotional collapse. I also fear for her children, who may one day (soon) begin to question the angst that seems to have replaced what once was a very kind and gentle nature. Like Tricia, I also agree that adoption is NOT the same as raising a child you've birthed, but "not the same" does NOT mean "not as miraculous." I was blessed to be adopted by a mother who is one of the most amazing humans I've ever met. As a parent of a teenaged son (the first person I've ever met who looks like me!), I know that at the end of the day what makes a family isn't DNA and sharing freckles or Uncle Dave's weird chin. Being a family, being a parent, is all about the love you give. It's about the patience you develop when you're out of patience. It's about the hugs and the stern looks and the laughter and the tears and the dirty diapers and the driver's ed and the worry lines and the hope. I hope that since you posted your blog that your life has been filled with all sorts of joys. Peace.
Well said, ma'am. Well said.
I was adopted by my, well, I call him Dad. =) No matter WHO I descended from, my Dad is the father God meant for me to have. You're a great mom, honey. Sending bunches of love your way (from across the city!)
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