A Magical Night at the Magic Kingdom

And then the Clueless family, tired, hungry, sunburned, irritable, dreading another drive (i.e.hurtling through Orlando traffic, wondering if Exit 15-A would be on the right or left side of the highway and how many drivers would cut them off in traffic and did they have change for the many toll roads they would encounter? ) staggered woozily towards the Exit sign with the girls fighting each other for the chance to plant their small, bony butts in my lap while I rode in the wheelchair, each child claiming a more profound weariness than the other.

Let me just say this: South Carolina has not caught on to the use of toll roads. And that is good.

And then the Clueless family began to watch the park light up. And a thrill shot through their weary hearts.

And I rose from my wheelchair (She walks! It's a MIRACLE!) and rudely elbowed seven thousand tourists aside while gripping my camera ready to catch the magic.

I had to catch Cinderella in action, the young lady whose story inspired all of us chicks to look for the prince. Most of us met with varying degress of success, to put it mildly. Wait a minute, there is the title of my new book: Cinderella Ruined My Life. Such a tired topic, but I'm sure that I could breathe new life into it.

And then the parade began with each exhibit more beautiful than the next. I snapped away, jumping in front of recalcitrant bystanders with enthusiasm when necessary. For I am a true artiste, you see, with a $1200.00 camera. You peons with your point and shoots can just step to the rear. Um...you wouldn't punch out a poor girl in a wheelchair would you?

So pretty!

Gee, I hope you don't have nightmares about being chased by a large, glowing fish after reading my blog and sue me for emotional distress. Please take a deep, calming breath. Don't sue me anyway, I got no money. Sue...um...Disney!!!

I am not sure what the creature on this float was intended to be. Update: A kind commenter tells me that they're from Fantasia.

There's that bitch again.

Tasteful all white float.

Another tasteful all white float.

Through the rockets red glare,

The bombs bursting everywhere

The Clueless family ran for the exits

And got the heck out of there.

WHY WON'T NEW BLOGGER LET ME SEPARATE MY #$@# PARAGRAPHS????

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Goodbye Disney!

See you real soon!!

Why?

Because I love spending exorbitant amounts of money to usher whining children through your parks!!!