Seaworld

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! I know that few people read blogs on Thanksgiving but I always manage to sneak away from all the family jolliness for awhile to check the internet. There is only so much family togetherness I can take. We just got back from my sister's house a few hours ago. She had a friend over which greatly added to the camaraderie and prevented the evening from becoming a Festival O'Drama.

I remember the first time I invited my parents over to my new apartment for dinner. I was afraid Mom would start crying (Mom cries if you look at her funny) so I invited a friend over. Daddy took one look at the silverware and got up to wash his fork. O-kay.

My friend noticed that I didn't have money to cover the sliding glass doors in the kitchen so I had pinned a sheet up to cover the doors and asked "Is that a curtain? Are we going to see a play after dinner?" We all laughed and the evening was a pleasant one free from drama.

Well, onto Sea World. The tickets were over two hundred dollars. After I finished hyperventilating we walked around for awhile saying to each other, "This is a special trip. The girls will remember this forever (at least we'll make sure of that by reminding them of it frequently--"Hey kids, remember when we couldn't make the mortgage payment 'cause of our special trip to Sea World? I'm afraid we can't afford to feed you supper because of your special trip to Sea World")..... we started to view the attractions. I couldn't believe the number of gift shops. You pay two hundred dollars to get in and then you spend your time browsing for overpriced tzotchkes? I don't think so. We bought the kids lunch that came in little cheap Shamu boxes and told them THAT was their Sea World memorabilia.

We saw, amazingly enough, marine life everywhere.

The flamingos reminded me of high school where the popular girls would gather in a bunch and refuse to notice or talk to anyone else. Snobs, I hope y'all catch tail lice or something.

These birds walked around and stole food from everybody. The birds ignored the signs imploring people to "PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE BIRDS". Fair enough, I guess, since the people ignored them also.

It was worth two hundred dollars just to see this duck. Um, yeah, ok.

Helpful reminder for morons--certain places had signs up that said "GOOD PLACE TO TAKE PICTURE--COURTESY OF FUJICAMERAS." Like a good little zombie, I obediently took pictures.

My, just looking at the scenery made me glad I had blown two hundred dollars. Um, not.

We purchased $7.00 worth of dead fish that the girls declined to eat for lunch even though I pointed out that they were loaded with healthy protein and Omega-3 fish oils.

So they fed them to the cute little baby sharks.

When I was a little girl my parents took me to SeaWorld and I told my parents I had just seen a whale. Daddy chuckled condescendingly and told me it was just a large fish. Way to ruin my trip, pal.

Sharks reminded me of all the cases waiting for me back in Columbia. Did you hear the one about the lawyer and the sharks? Good, then I don't have to tell it to you.

We saw the killer whale show and it was really impressive. We sat in the "splash" section and I was afraid to open my camera. So this is a picture of the dolphin show instead.

By this time my legs were killing me. At first I was too proud to rent a wheelchair. "It's a small park," I reasoned. "I don't want people staring at me. I'm sure I'll be ok." By the end of the day I was half dead. I spent the next day--all 14 hours of it--in bed. "When we go to Disney World," I said to my husband, " I don't care if my wheelchair lights up in neon lights and they parade me down Main Street with a sign saying "LOOK AT THE CRIP...I'm renting a wheelchair."

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Of course, the fact that I was too cheap to pay for food at SeaWorld kind of backfired, to say the least. After navigating Orlando traffic (thank God I was too stoned on painkillers to be scared) we got back to my sister in law's house and I collapsed and suggested that we get take out food. We ordered from a small local Italian restaurant and I got a veggie calzone that was, I kid you not, the size of a dinner plate. I inhaled the entire thing in a trance and went outside for a glass of red wine and a cigarette. Twenty minutes later, my stomach said to me "YOU EXPECT ME TO DIGEST THIS? ARE YOU INSANE, LADY?" and I was up all night groaning and clutching my stomach in misery. To cheer myself up I read a book about the Black Plague, reminding myself that I wasn't covered in oozing pustules or anything. But about 4:00 AM, I would have gladly traded the conga line in my stomach for a couple--just a couple--of pustules.

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We missed Epcot Center the next day, as I was busy recuperating from the Attack Of The Killer Veggie Calzone. But on Monday we did the Magic Kingdom. More later... Hope your turkey digests well. Salut!!

Note: I'm sorry I had to publish this post like five times but every time I'd publish it all my paragraphs would run together. Also, I apologize for all the extra ads on the site. I'm trying to make some money so my husband won't ask "ARE YOU BLOGGING AGAIN INSTEAD OF PAYING ATTENTION TO YOUR LOVING FAMILY?" Santa Claus has bills to pay you know.