A Magical Night at the Magic Kingdom

And then the Clueless family, tired, hungry, sunburned, irritable, dreading another drive (i.e.hurtling through Orlando traffic, wondering if Exit 15-A would be on the right or left side of the highway and how many drivers would cut them off in traffic and did they have change for the many toll roads they would encounter? ) staggered woozily towards the Exit sign with the girls fighting each other for the chance to plant their small, bony butts in my lap while I rode in the wheelchair, each child claiming a more profound weariness than the other.

Let me just say this: South Carolina has not caught on to the use of toll roads. And that is good.

And then the Clueless family began to watch the park light up. And a thrill shot through their weary hearts.

And I rose from my wheelchair (She walks! It's a MIRACLE!) and rudely elbowed seven thousand tourists aside while gripping my camera ready to catch the magic.

I had to catch Cinderella in action, the young lady whose story inspired all of us chicks to look for the prince. Most of us met with varying degress of success, to put it mildly. Wait a minute, there is the title of my new book: Cinderella Ruined My Life. Such a tired topic, but I'm sure that I could breathe new life into it.

And then the parade began with each exhibit more beautiful than the next. I snapped away, jumping in front of recalcitrant bystanders with enthusiasm when necessary. For I am a true artiste, you see, with a $1200.00 camera. You peons with your point and shoots can just step to the rear. Um...you wouldn't punch out a poor girl in a wheelchair would you?

So pretty!

Gee, I hope you don't have nightmares about being chased by a large, glowing fish after reading my blog and sue me for emotional distress. Please take a deep, calming breath. Don't sue me anyway, I got no money. Sue...um...Disney!!!

I am not sure what the creature on this float was intended to be. Update: A kind commenter tells me that they're from Fantasia.

There's that bitch again.

Tasteful all white float.

Another tasteful all white float.

Through the rockets red glare,

The bombs bursting everywhere

The Clueless family ran for the exits

And got the heck out of there.

WHY WON'T NEW BLOGGER LET ME SEPARATE MY #$@# PARAGRAPHS????

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Goodbye Disney!

See you real soon!!

Why?

Because I love spending exorbitant amounts of money to usher whining children through your parks!!!

Disney World

And then the Clueless Family entered the Magic Kingdom, the place where all dreams can come true if you just wish in your heart and have eleventy zillion billion dollars to spend.

I whipped out my Disney credit card containing Disney Dollars. We've been using the card since 2005 and had accumulated $851 Disney Dollars. (one penny for each dollar spent on the card) I asked the nice guy at the window how much 5 day passes for 2 adults and 2 children cost.

"Oh, about $800."

I was thrilled, but my sister in law warned me to ask about how long the passes were good for.

"Fourteen days."

"Ok, how much for the passes if they are good forever."

"One thousand doll....That's all I heard before I passed out.

"We'll take four (2 adults, 2 kids) three day 'good forever' passes, please," my husband piped up while simultaneously trying to prop up my sagging body. "How much are those?"

"$880." We handed over the credit card and received four three day "good forever " passes for the sum of $29.00 plus our Disney Dollars. Oh it was sweet!!!

Then we rented a wheelchair for $10.00, which was the best ten dollars I ever spent. EVAH.

While the Magic Kingdom is expensive, one look at the kids faces made it all worthwhile.

See what I mean?

Actually she was peeved (to say the least) because we did the Haunted Mansion. By all the gods, she is 9 years old and in the FOURTH GRADE and should understand that it's all just fantasy play. She spent the entire ride buried in the nether regions of my armpits.

But eventually she cheered up.

And learned to smile. Ah, yes, we must make the children happy. I believe that children are our future...treat them well and let them lead the way show them all the beauty they posess in side...give them a sense of pride...ooops sorry the painkillers are talking.

Was I embarassed to use the wheelchair, especially since I can walk perfectly well, I can skip, I can even run. But I have fibromyalgia and I can't do it for long distances. Lord, did I feel like a phony!!!!

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Especially since you can cut the lines using a wheelchair. There are special entrances for the handicapped. "Can you transfer?" asked the solicitious Disney employees. They meant can you get out of the chair and board the rides. Yes, I can, and did. Geez, I felt like the worst fraud ever. I reminded myself of all the times I have glared at "perfectly healthy" people getting out of cars with handicapped stickers. You can not always tell if a person needs a handicapped parking sticker. Or a wheelchair.

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The "cast members" at the park just could not have been nicer. Especially since many of them heard my treatise on fibromyalgia while we waited to board the rides under the special cut lines. "Well you see the reason that I'm using the chair is that I have fibromyalgia. I can walk, but I can't walk far, and by the way do you have any relatives with it? Because I have a treatment theory I'd like to share with you....Man I feel guilty using this special line, but you see I really CAN'T WALK LONG DISTANCES..."

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"Why here comes the ride!" they exclaimed with sincere relief and joy.

As the afternoon wore on, we got to see a parade. I'm not sure what Green and Blue and doing here. I think Pink is saying, "Guys, no PDA in the middle of a FAMILY PARK."

Minnie and Pluto behaved themselves.

The best ride was Buzz Lightyear. Here they are at the end of the ride.

And here I am at the end of the road. But we stayed till the end. Disney sure can put on a show! The night show is coming up in the next post.