My Daughter Is A Vampire

Looks like it's dinnertime!

Note:  This piece was written after I read a piece written by someone named "Nerdy Apple Blossom" who posted a professionally snapped picture of her four year old son wearing a Scooby-Do Daphne costume complete with a flaming orange wig and the provacative title "My Son Is Gay"....and then went on to say...."or maybe not.  It doesn't matter one way or the other." 

Darn right.  It doesn't matter...when he is a grown man...whether he is gay or straight. 

But I am repulsed by a title assigning a sexual orientation to a young child by his mother, who should know better.  However, I suppose once again I'm not the average person (nobody would fight me on that) since the piece went viral, she went on TV to show more pictures of the kid, received 35,000 comments and signed with Federated Media. 
  
I do not feel that anyone should talk about young children and sexuality in the same sentence.   Children, by their very definition, have no sexuality.  Nobody, especially not a parent,  should be discussing their child's  past, present or future sexuality.    Because they are children. 

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I guess it's time to tell the truth about my very young child, no matter how embarassing it is.  My daughter is a vampire.

Yep, I'm going to make my own child come out of the closet whether she wants to or not.

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Darnit, I'm always a day late and a dollar short.  I wish I'd thought of exposing her proclivities five years ago, but I vowed when I began this blog that I would never discuss:

1.  Anything dealing with my children that would come back to bite them.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

2.  Anything dealing with bodily fluids.    But I guess I'll have to mention one.  Yes.  Blood.  She goes out to hunt several nights a week and comes home--let's just say I have to use a lot of bleach to get the red out.  ETA: Hey! Thanks for the tip about hydrogen peroxide!!

3.   Anything that even comes close to "children" and "the thing that grown adults do that parents have no business discusssing about their children, for ANY REASON AT ALL."

4.  Disclosing any personal problems my kids have.

5.  Any "cute" stories about their childhood that they wouldn't want to have read, out loud, to the whole English 101 class when they're 16.

6.  Anything that they wouldn't want to have read,  out loud, to the whole English 101 class when they're 16.

7.  But I guess I owe you the whole story.

8.  Several months ago, my daughter decided that she wanted to reveal her true identity to the world on Halloween.

9.  With serious trepidation, I went to Walmart and bought her a $5.00 hood on sale and some new fangs in honor of the occasion and photographed her professionally (since I am a professional photographer, of course).

10.  When she got near her school, she said, "Mom I've changed my mind." 

I shoved her out of the car while it was still rolling and called after her, "It's too late!  I've dreamed of being on the Today show my entire life and I'm not going to let a little thing like you being ostracized in the community, mocked by your peers, or exposed to the world stand in my way.  

Love ya, smooches, NOW GO OUT THERE AND OWN IT."

And you know what?  She ROCKED that look. 

Okay, every parent in the carpool line ran screaming away holding up silver crosses sprinkled with garlic and she lost her Good Conduct Medal when a few tempting kindergarteners wandered in her direction, but it's all good. 

I believe that all children, even vampires, should be accepted and loved. 

Loved? 

Heck, I think they ought to write books and make billion dollar movies about young vampires. 

Oh.

Never mind.

Halloween
My Son Is Gay
nerdy apple blossom
daphne costume
son gay Halloween
bullying gay kids