The Law Of Attraction

Ms. Positive Thinking

I'm having some problems with this Law of Attraction stuff.

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It's the same stuff that was discussed in "The Secret."

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Everybody keeps telling me Think Positive!!! Whoa! Good things will happen!! Money will start flowing in!!!!

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Well, we were approved for reduced school lunches, does that count? (cringes in humiliation)

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I applied for a job in Florida. I estimate the chances of getting an interview being about 1 percent, and the chances of getting hired 00001. percent. Would it make a difference if I thought positive about it?

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I applied for a job this fall that would have been perfect for me. I thought positive thoughts for months. I nearly drove myself CRAZY with positive thoughts.

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It made it so much worse when I didn't get it.

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I even wrote a note and put it by my bed saying "Thanks God for this perfect new job!!!"

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(cringes again in humiliation)

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I'd take it down and burn it, but some primal, atavistic fear keeps me from doing so.

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(cringes again...oh you know the drill by now!)

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I have a few things I want to say about this LAW OF ATTRACTION STUFF.

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The day my father died was one of the best days of my life (well, until...yeah). We were on vacation. I distinctly remember one of those Moments. The ones you keep in your memory scrapbook. It was Monday night and we were at the beach. We were sitting on our rented cabin's front porch listening to the mosquitos whine and the roar of the surf.

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I was celebrating the fact that I was wearing a bikini at...oh...um...38? SHADDUP. I didn't say I looked like Christie Brinkley in it, but I didn't see anybody screaming and hiding their eyes and making the Sign Of The Cross either.

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I was drinking a beer. Why do I remember that it was a Bud Light? (I'll drink most any beer. I don't have one special preference).

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It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

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Daddy died 4 days later.

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Sure, I guess it's good to be happy and think positive thoughts but do you really think that the Universe is going to send rainbows and puppies and flowers your way just because you THINK them?

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My Dad used to shoot down any talk about that by saying two words. It was the name of one of his closest friends in grad school.

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This friend, I'll call him Michael, since that's his real name..... Well, Michael's family were German Jews. They had been in Germany when the Mayflower landed. (Mixing metaphors here). But you get the idea. They were German through and through. So they went to a synagogue instead of a church to worship? Who cared?

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Michael's dad did. He went around at family gatherings saying you know, this Hitler guy kind of scares me a little bit. Did you know that Dachau opened in March, 1933? Yes, the famous death camp in Germany opened for "politcal prisoners" eight years before the US became involved in the war?

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His family all shouted him down. "Don't be so gloomy!" they said. "Such an alarmist, ptfht! Our family is one of the oldest and most prestigious in Germany. "

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Yeah.

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Michael's father obtained passports and exit visas for his wife, son and daughter, bribed the proper officials, packed the family silver and jewels and left. Left his homeland. Started over again. His first job in the US was as a laboratory assistant, cleaning test tubes. He had been a research scientist in Germany.

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Yeah.

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I don't need to tell you what happened to all the positive thinking relatives, do I? Well, if you want to ask them, I suggest a seance.

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Uncertain how to make the positive energy flow,

yrs truly,

REALLY clueless in carolina

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Breaking News Update! The phone just rang. Not kidding. I raced to the phone, sure it was one of my prospective new employers.

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The phone readout said "SPECIAL OLYMPIC."