Anybody Interested In A Threesome? Or A Three-Way?

The bill that almost put me into the nut house. In all, FIFTY three way calls were made. I was too lazy to scan page two.

Ok! Ok! So I wanted some kinky Google hits. If you're here for the dirt, look elsewhere. Sorry, I'd love to tell you about the time that I **** with ***** and then did some **** with **** and then **** some guy named ****** but I can't. I'm too easy to find on the net. I am using my real name. I wanted to be "honest" and "authentic" when I began my blog. Sorry 'bout that.

So it started out as a routine rainy Saturday. I arose from my bed groaning at the arthritic like pain that fibromyalgia sufferers get when it rains, apparently. I stuffed some pain pills down my throat and my loving husband prepared some awesome French toast for breakfast and I hopped on the computer to see if my emails about acquiring a new toy poodle had born any fruit. Just another day in paradise.

Yes, I think we might have found a poodle. More later.

Oh, and I got a phone call from Mom complaining loudly about the nursing home she's in. She's still nauseated, but is starting to sound feisty again. She wants to go home. When I think of how much the nursing home costs and how her cds may not bear enough interest to pay for it, oh so do I!

Then I opened the mail. And saw that my phone bill was $95.00 instead of the usual $26.25. And I nearly had a stroke.

DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED THREE WAY CALLING? WELL I DO NOW!! I LEARNED ABOUT IT WHEN I OPENED MY PHONE BILL!!!!!!

You know what? The only 3 way calling I knew about before today was in Mean Girls. I love that movie. Madeleine's constantly on the phone with her friends now, having dramatic fights and all, just practicing for the teen years I guess. They had a scene in Mean Girls where Jane calls Julie and puts Amy on the line without Julie's knowledge and asked Julie what she thinks of Amy and Julie replies with something derogatory and Jane says "Ha! Gotcha! Amy's on the line!" That's all I knew. I don't know how to make the dang calls, and I didn't know you even could make them from our phone.

When we hooked up our home phone again last year after several years of just cell phone use, I told the nice lady on the phone that I wanted only the BASIC PACKAGE. JUST local calls. NOTHING fancy. I explained that I had young children and I didn't want them being able to do anything but make local calls. No long distance. That's for the cell phones. The nice lady said all right.

So I got on the phone with A TEE AND TEE.

The first person I talked to said "someone made the calls, you have to pay for them." I said a lot more, but I'll save you the details. I also threw a few dishes at various targets.

The second person I talked to said it was just too bad that I had a daughter who did stuff on the phone that I didn't even know you could do and they sent me a 4 page letter at the time I signed up describing all the horrible things that could possibly happen with my "basic plan" so suck it up and pay or else they'd do terrible things to my credit report and then he offered a $20.00 credit. I hung up.

I called back and said, "Look, if you're just going to give me the party line about how the calls were made and I have to pay for them even though the nice lady I signed up with had a long chat with me. I carefully and in detail explained to her that I had young children and wanted nothing on the phone but simple local phone calls. She told me that is what I had. So if you're going to just give me the same old spiel, let's cut to the chase and let me speak to your supervisor."

He said, "Would you hold on a minute, ma'am?" I replied "sure."

He said "I'm putting a block on your phone so 3 way calls can't be made any more." I thanked him. Neither of the other two people I talked to had mentioned that this was possible.

He said, "I'm giving you full credit for the calls. Just pay the normal fee. Are you satisfied with the service that I offered you today at A TEE and TEE?" I grinned and said yes indeedy.

So what have we learned here today guys?

1. Make sure your phone is blocked from 3 way calling.

2. Be a pest. A total, obnoxious pest.

3. If you do ***** with ***** and then include ***** while doing ********* always use protection. This has been a public service announcement. The more you know..... I talked to Madeleine a little today about The Birds and the Bees and she cut me off with "Mom, I already know about condoms." Well. Excuuuuuuuuseee me.