"Well, Mom, thanks for the heartwarming Gotcha post! Now I know why you call yourself Clueless!
I'm just so awfully sorry that I wasn't handed to you wrapped in lacy white clouds of joy so you could write "and we looked into each other's eyes and the music swelled and we were bonded for life and I knew she'd pick out a really good nursing home for me someday as I changed her first diaper which smelled like rosebuds..."
Cut me a break willya? Let's see--Ms. Self Absorbed Yupface--Let's look at it from my point of view.
Hmm...First of all, I have a suggestion. Why don't you live in the disease riddled unairconditioned orphanage for a few months in the raging heat of a tropical summer and see if YOU get scabies and giardia and how great YOU feel then? And, then, just for kicks and giggles, let's do this.
Go to the mall and pick out a family with a 14 month old. Any child will do, as long as it is a total stranger. Ask the family to drive 9 hours to a hotel room. Ask them to plunk their kid into your arms and then leave. Let's see if any OTHER KID IN THE UNIVERSE would have reacted with cooing happiness."
Mom responds:
Meredith, you are so right. And the good news is that as soon as I got that Fashion Victim outfit off of you and changed you into a little pink nightgown and put you in the crib with your new sister, you started feeling much better and so did we. Once I got a better look at you, one thing immediately occurred to me: You were cute.
"Look at her eyes!" you can hear me saying over and over again in the video. Because you had the brown eyes to drown in, oh yeah.
I hoped that I could make you healthy and put a smile on that face. I was so sad that I hadn't had the chance to take care of you for the last 6 months that I did have with your sister. You were already walking--we missed your first steps. We missed your first birthday. Oh well, we'll just have an extra big cake for your second.
It was a different trip this time. Most of the new families on our hotel floor were dealing with their own things. We had one brave single woman in the next room who was all alone and a new mother at 50--and her baby wouldn't drink anything. She was going nuts.
Then we had the couple down the hall. The new mommy had a nervous breakdown and flew home the next day.
We had a couple who was still totally pissed that they had gotten a baby when they had requested a 3 year old as a playmate for their 7 year old. They kept finding things "wrong" with the baby. "She isn't walking--maybe she has leg problems?" She walked fine after a few days. I think she was a little pissed herself. But everybody ended up happy with her in the end.
We had the saddest thing ever two doors down. One of the babies had been referred and the medical records and pictures had been reviewed by the top "Orphan Doc". The Orphan Doc said that the baby was probably severely mentally retarded. She had very small low set ears and her head circumference was not keeping up with her body.
The mom to be, I'll call her Sara, notified the agency that she did not want to adopt this child. The agency said that she had to: 1. Travel to China. 2. Refuse the referral...and then 3. The child would be taken to a local doctor and evaluated. If, and only if, this doctor concurred, would she be given another baby. Eventually, the local doc refused to say the kid had any problems and Sara returned to the USA with no baby. (She did get another referral several months later and the baby did get another family.)
Sara was here with her Dad. They both looked terribly devastated and drank a lot of Scotch. I don't blame them-I would have too!!
Anyway, Sara's baby was presented with the rest of the kids. While every other family grabbed their kid and rushed off to their hotel room, that baby stayed in her nanny's arms, watching.
I was the last one to leave the hall. My eyes locked with that baby. We communicated.
"I'm ok," she said to me with her eyes.
"Well, um".....I stammered back with my eyes. "I'm sorry, but I can't do anything but pray for you. I'll never see you again in this life, but I'll look for you in the next..."
"Thanks", she replied wryly.
Now, does anybody else out there feel that the phrase "JUST ADOPT" should be punished with death by legal injection or is that JUST a charming quirk on my part?
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8 comments:
The first time I heard you tell the story about that baby, I couldn't stop crying. I have tears this time, too. I hope she has a home now.
Just adopt should be a least punished with a kick in the gut.
Wow, do you mind if I print this story out, change ths names, and hand it to anyone who tells me they are "so glad I decided to just adopt"?
Oh my God, this brings back so many memories -- of being handed a 13-month-old kid that screamed for 3 solid hours, of sitting on the floor in the Majestic outside of our room (so as not to wake DH and DD) and trying to figure out how to make a bottle, of looking at my gray hair on the mirror and realizing that we sent off our dossier in a moment of temporary insanity, of wishing I'd been there for so many "firsts" that had already taken place, of treating a squirmy kid for scabies .... And that poor little girl. I'm glad agencies sugarcoat it; you don't know what's inside you until it's tested.
Lethal injection?? Naw, too easy. A nice afternoon of torture should do the trick.
This makes me think of the day we got our Rebeka. She screamed her head off and she smelled, uh, really bad! At 19 months old she had definite preferences and they did not include us! She was cute though...
Oh wow... as if there was any room to doubt how much you have to want it to do it. Seems like the payoff on the other end is huge is huge for everyone, though - fortunately!
Good Lord! Thanks for the recounting though. It was good for others and for me as a reminder of how things can go.
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