Spoiled Little Brats!

You know what chaps my ass worse than anything else? A wet bathing suit? No! Spoiled kids!!

Materially--emotionally--whatever.

So here are my two sitting at their own pool, drinking Diet Lemonade lovingly served by me, wearing some of their vast collection of 2ndhand bathing suits. After a refreshing swim they can go into their private playroom (formerly known as the living room) or, if they prefer, to their tastefully decorated individual bedrooms, where they can watch TV (yeah, I swore no kid of mine would have a tv in her room) or surf the internet (on a hand me down computer, wireless feed).

No (pats self on back, dislocating shoulder in process) they aren't spoiled at all.

Anyway, seriously, I do pride myself on raising two generally pleasant, reasonable kids.

Until yesterday...

We're on the way to Roger's brother's house to swim. We have brought along two life jackets for the kids. One is a spanking new shiny Barbie life jacket, another is a faded life jacket that is so, like, LAST SEASON. They make no comment about the life jackets as we load the swim gear in the van.

We get to the house.

Meredith (4) pleasantly remarks that she just doesn't feel like swimming. She's a little scared.

What? She's a freaking fish in the water. Takes lessons at school everyday, has already won more ribbons than her sister who is 6.

Upon relentless interrogation, she starts to whimper. This is from a kid who would great a nu-cu-lar holocaust with a cheery "Well, it's time to pitch a tent! Did anybody remember a manual can opener?" Maybe she's hungry.

Breaking another one of my rules, I request a cup of yogurt from the relatives. (As a person who has a pool and has lived at the ocean, for Gawd's sake, if you're gonna visit, bring your own damn TOWELS AND SNACKS. I AM NOT A HOTEL).

She eats the yogurt. Still pleasantly refuses to swim.

Now the truth will out. NEITHER ONE OF THE DARLINGS WANTS TO WEAR THE OLD LIFEJACKET AROUND THEIR COUSINS FROM OUT OF TOWN.

I corral Madeleine, who is enjoying the pool in the acceptable lifejacket, and bribe her to trade with her sister. Bribes don't bother me. You know what they are called in real life? "Employee incentives."

Unfortunately, even the princely sum of $2.00 (the current gold standard at Chez Lorrie) fail to elicit cooperation. They are both embarassed to be seen in the old life jacket.

Finally we negotiate a compromise. They will take turns swimming.

Sheez!!!