I always heard an ugly rumour that parenthood changes your perspective on life.
But I never believed it.
Until I watched Dirty Dancing again.
PREKID: aaaaahhhh Patrick Swazye is the cuuuuutttest thing in the whole world.
POST KID: Note to self: Hire private detective to follow nubile teenage daughter around resort area. If possible, install "Webcams" in all secluded glades, cars, romantic cabins, etc...... So when my kid asks me for the equivalent in 2005 dollars for a TWO THOUSAND DOLLAR loan, I don't think I'll be smiling benignly and handing it over, ARE WE CLEAR ON THAT? ....Hey, what's wrong with that kid who is going to be a doctor? He's gonna be a doctor. I can overlook a little jerkiness......Why isn't that poor girl who had an abortion in the HOSPITAL? If she has an infection, I don't think a shot of penicillin is gonna fix her right up.....Oh look, there's Baby and Child Molester in BED together. Gawd, I HOPE HE HAD SOME CONDOMS AT LEAST. Mom and Dad, better quit the GOLF and come rescue your PRECIOUS BABY from the evil clutches of a PERSON WHO IS COMMITING STATUTORY RAPE WITH YOUR CHILD. Did they have STDs back in the day that transferred even with condoms? I hear there are STDs today that you can get even if you use condoms... Oh Gawd what if my kid gets knocked up by some high school dropout...And has the baby and names her some stoopid teenage name like Clayressia Clymidia Niccholle...And starts a barely literate blog named www.teenagepromqueenmother.blogspot.com that contains horribly misspelled entries like "jason sez he don't want to see Clayressia no more...I HAT HIM SO MUCH!!! He sez he is gonna date Tiffianie and don't want to be all in my SHIT..." ... Oh Lawd I'm too old to raise another family--I'm too old for THIS family....Oh well, I hear that now the teenagers are just giving blow jobs (violent nausea ensues)
Ah yes.
They'd better not ever have the Time Of Their Life.
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3 comments:
Im seventeen and the stuff you wrote is true. Once some boy PAID me to do a blowjob. so i like made $25 in like 10 minutes...totally worth it!
Totally prostitution!
Despite the anonymous comment above, teenage blowjobs aren't nearly as rampant as the media would have you believe. There was a book a few years back about sexuality among middle-schoolers, and there were frequent mentions of oral sex. But they were all "Yeah, I HEARD that this one girl..." and "Omigod, this girl is SUCH a total slut, I HEARD that she..."
(If you'd told me five years ago I'd be using the word "blowjob" writing to a Maud-L listren, I wouldn't have believed you!)
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