Please Shut Up About Your Kid, Kay?

Why on earth do people think that their oh-so-fab kids are a source of endless fascination to casual acquaintances?

I love talking about my kids, and hearing about yours. That's why I spend endless hours surfing mommy blogs, chatting on email lists about kids, and basically neglecting personal hygeine and routine maintenance (did I put on clean undies today? can't remember) to do so.

I'm talking about people who are casual hi-howya doin' acquaintances.

"Hi! Looks like it's gonna rain today!"

"Yeah it does. You know, my brilliant son, Snotleigh, just finished a massive science project--did I mention that he was in the Honors Program at his school? And that he's already received five scholarship offers to prestigious colleges? Anyway, he did this awesome project at school dealing with weather patterns in the Sahara desert! The teacher said they had never seen such an awesome level of scholarship well...since...since my daugher, Crotchfruit, did her project in that class three years ago!!!"

*snide nicknames for kids furnished by the terrifying malcontents at Bratfree.

Well, thanks. I'm a better person now for knowing that.

This is so wrong on so many levels.

First of all, it's boring.

Second of all, it's so inconsiderate. The person who is listening to you may be worrying about their own child's academic or physical problems. Gloating about your kid's stellar accomplishments could be rubbing some very powerful salt into some aching wounds.

My youngest child came home from China with elevated lead levels. After completing my internet medical degree on lead levels "side effects include moderate to severe learning disabilities...yada yada"... The last thing I wanted to hear was some yahoo yammering about their child's intellectual prowess.

Fortunately she's ok. And man is she brilliant! Why, let me tell you about her.......

Ahem. Excuse me.

Now when talking to non parents...

For years I was regarded as a Childfree By Choice type. After all I was 40 before I became a member of the mommy club. So for years parents felt free to extoll the accomplishments of their darling pwecious to me.

What they didn't know was that I wasn't a volunteer member of this club. Au contraire, I was trying to join it. So you can imagine how much I wanted to hear about superior kids, when I was desperately trying to have even an inferior one.

Anyway, if you are braggin' to a parent, or a nonparent...that you have waylaid in the break room....and you don't even have the common courtesy to pretend to be interested in my kids...well...please, please shaddup.