Why Johnny Can't Read

Friends, Romans, Countrymen and women, lend me your ears.

I'm going to put up a post that I find very disturbing. This is a 4th grade in class assignment.

The grade at the top of the paper reads : GREAT JOB!!! 44/44 100%

The Paper

Directions: For each statement, choose one extreme position or the other. Write three sentences about why you chose that position. YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE!

1. Vanilla or Chocolate: I don't like the rich tast in chcolate. Most canidey will come in Vanill. Vanilla dose not stany like Choclate.

2. Burger King or McDonald's? Burger King does not have fatning food. Has more choses. Burger King is faster.

3. Pop Music Or Country Music? Pop is not as old as country. Differnt egons for pop., More people like pop the country.

4. Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears? Jessica Simpson has more CD's. Britney Spears has fake hair. Sings beter.

5. Football or Basketball? Basketball is easyer to learn. Basket Ball mostley is faster to play. You can play Basket Ball any where.

6. Pen or Pencil? Pencil you can e s. More vrity. Earsy Lke Micar cull.

7. Read aloud or Silently? Easyer to find your mistaks. You can Read to friends and family Teach somone.

8. Cold weather or warm weather? Warm weather becaus you can go out side. You can swim get some exrsidzs.

9. Man President or Woman President? We can like all reads know what he will chouse. We have had men as foras forth.

10. Rent movies or Movie Theater? Wach it at a friends house mach or take on the rode. have it fo. Can recyuik it.

11. Bottled water or Water from the faucet? fresher than tap water. can take on the rode. can close it up so it will not spill.

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Ignore or make child redo paper correctly? If the schools can't teach spelling and grammar, I'll sharpen my claws and make sure my cubs go out into the real world with the proper skills.

ETA: Young cub has written each wrongly spelled word five times and is now completing a similar assignment. Young cub was instructed to write THREE SENTENCES.

omfg I am homeschooling. What's next? Granola? Yes, I've eaten granola today.

Are YOU Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?

My kids edited that picture, don't yell at me.  It just cracked me up.

I have just been handed the PASS test brochure which explains that every spring children from 3-8th grade are tested to see if those lazy, overpaid school teachers do anything except take lengthy vacations on their yachts and harass their servants.

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That was sarcasm.

By the way.

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These are sample questions used for the fifth grade test.

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Read the dictionary entry.

fashion:  1. v. to make or form.  He can fashion a boot out of leather.  2. n. manner or way. The girl acted in a carefree fashion.  3. n. style or dress.  I shop to find the latest fashion.   4.  v. to imagine or think about.  He fashions himself a genius.

What is the best definition for the word fashion as used in this line from a poem?

"I can fashion a snowflake."

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Read these two sentences.

 

Jamal will get the books at the library.

He cannot pick them up until tomorrow.

What is the correct way to combine the sentences?

a.   Jamal will get the books at the library he cannot pick them up until tomorrow.

b.  Jamal will get the books at the library, he cannot pick them up until tomorrow.

c.  Jamal will get the books at the library and he cannot pick them up until tomorrow.

d.  Jamal will get the books at the library, but he cannot pick them up until tomorrow.

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Use this table to answer the question.

Input (w)   1,3,5,7

Output (z)   8,10,12,14

Which equation represents the relationship between the input values and the output values?

a. z=8w

b. z=w divided by 8

c. z=w-7

d. z=w+7

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For a science project, a student needs a concentrated sugar solution.  The solution he has is too diluted. What is one way the student can make the solution more concentrated?

a. pour the solution through a filter to remove some of the sugar

b. add equal amounts of sugar and water to the solution

c. boil the solution to evaporate some of the water

d. add more water to the solution

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Use these facts about basketball to answer the question.

1.  In 1891, Dr. James Naismith invented the game of basketball while teaching school in Massachusetts.

2.    In 2008, teams from 74 countries competed in basketball for the Summer Olympics.

Which term best explains these facts?

a. cultural exchange

b. political cooperation

c. economic cooperation

d. educational achievement

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Why did I write this blog entry?

1.  Because, 15 minutes ago, I thought of myself as a fairly intelligent person.  Ah, who am I kidding?  I fashioned myself as a genius.
  
2.   Because it was an easy way to squick out a blog entry.

3.   Because it kept me from feeling stupid while I pounded out the entry.

4.  Because I was taking a break from thanking the Lord for free, excellent public schools, allowing me to escape having to homeschool.

5.  All of the above.

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Answers to the above:

1,d,d,c,a,5
This entry is 100% genuine.   Scans of the brochure available upon request.