Adoption Is Like A Box Of Chocolates

It's been all over the news lately.  Maybe you've seen it.   A 7 year old Russia boy was placed on a plane by his adoptive mother and returned to Russia with a note saying she could not parent this child.

The mother wrote:  "This child is mentally unstable. He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues," the letter said. "I was lied to and misled by the Russian Orphanage workers and director regarding his mental stability and other issues. ...

After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends, and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child."

Ponder this while you gaze in awe at our perfect family lined up for the Easter shoot.   Notice that my oldest child is wearing the dress that my mom made for me when I was chosen to be a Junior Marshal (top 10 students in my junior class) and that I almost cried when she put it on.  Notice the picture even includes two dogs!   The only thing you don't see is the genetic illness I woke up with one day three years ago, the seething insecurities, the feeling of emptiness when you realize one day that you will never touch another person who shares your DNA or your bloodline, and the tears shed.

Ponder that I have to slash through twenty pages of medical history when I fill out a doctor's information form about myself or my girls.

And for all of you people who tell me that we're all lucky and to shut up about the downside of adoption, and for all you people who told me not to be so sensitive about some throwaway remark another blooger made (I typed this by mistake but I'm leaving this) simply remember this blogger was invited to a panel at the White House several weeks ago.  This is not the person I want to speak for me in any capacity at the White House.  There.  End of rant.

We're so far from perfect that we're tipping over into not so perfect.

But while we aren't perfect, we are pretty damn good.   The girls can share their stories one day if they choose.  This is my story.  And here is my opinion.  

I have a few things to say to you, Russia.

Stop sending children out for adoption with severe psychological and physical problems unless their new family is fully informed.

Own up to the fact that many of your children placed for adoption have been taken from alcoholic parents (as was this child) and realize that Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is a lifelong problem that love alone cannot even begin to overcome.

Stop clasping your face like Macauley Culkin in Home Alone

and own up to the fact that you have doctors and psychologists in your country who can and should provide honest, thorough evaluations of each child placed in the adoption pipeline.

Really, I find your "who ME?" attitude to be disgusting and disingenous.

Now I have a few things to say to adoption agencies placing children from all countries.

Educate, educate, educate.   MAKE your applicants understand that they are entering into a vast, unknown, uncharted territory.

Adoption and pregnancy are like a box of chocolates.   (Please reference Forrest Gump).

Prepare prospective parents for the worst and hope for the best.

And before you judge the woman who placed her child on a plane, imagine what you would do if your child tried or seriously threatened to kill you.

We had a child adopted from Guatemala, age 14, stab his mother to death in her kitchen with a butcher knife not ten miles from our happy little home.

Her crime?

She wouldn't let him go skating with his friends.

Read some blogs written by parents who are raising a child with RAD.

I do not come here to defend or denounce the woman who placed her son on a plane and sent him back to Russia. 

I'm just sayin'...some parents are being matched with children that they are not equipped to raise.  And there are agencies and countries that are taking large sums of money in the process.

And I think that sucks.