Zombie!

Blog? What blog?

Oh this. My beloved blog, into which I've been pouring my heart and soul for almost three years. And I finally got a check from Google!!! What a glorious day that was!!! (You have to earn at least $100 to do that. Took me 2 1/2 years).

I started taking the Cymbalta and at first all went well. My pain decreased quite a bit. My moods didn't miraculously improve, but since I've never had a brain chemistry depression disorder, I guess there wasn't much work to be done there. I did sort of look forward to prancing joyously around singing and distributing daisy petals, but instead I...

just.......didn't..........care........about...........anything..........

Now I had a little of that when I was on Paxil in 1995 for what was erroneously diagnosed as "panic disorder" which turned out to be nothing but "shortness of breath" (a fibro symptom). Paxil didn't do much for me one way or the other, except make me gain 30 pounds. But......I.....just.....didn't.......care.....until that horrid day when I tried on a bikini bathing suit in Myrtle Beach and sobbed for 5 hours straight and left my 20 year old bomber leather jacket in the store by mistake. (otoh, it was getting awful beat up looking).

So! Bring on the Cymbalta.

Next I noticed that I had no appetite. This was fine, I guess, as 9 pounds slithered off me without me even noticing. I'd get on the scales and see the decline and go, "oh. How nice" instead of joyously twirling through the fields sprinkling daisy petals.

Next I noticed that there was only TWO things that I could eat without getting sick. Peanut Butter & Banana sandwiches on whole wheat bread with organic honey for lunch/dinner and an egg for breakfast. One night Roger fixed a glorious filet mignon with pan-grilled asparagus and an hour later I felt terribly nauseous.

Then I started itching all over. Itch, itch, itch. Then I had to take about 8 benadryls to stop the itching.

Fine. I could deal with all of that except one little, tiny, itsy, bitsy problem...

I wanted to sleep all day every day and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and then about 10:00 at night I'd start with the insomnia and be up until 1-2 in the morning. One night I was up until sunrise. I tried taking the Cymbalta in the morning, evening, afternoon, etc. Nothing worked.

You'd be surprised to hear this, but my employer actually expects me to STAY AWAKE WHILE AT THE JOB. Unreasonable, sure, but they write the paychecks. I could not stay awake. Sure, I could drink coffee or diet coke for caffeine energy, but that just made my fibromyalgia flare and my muscles start to spasm, which kind of cancelled out the lack of pain from cymbalta.

Thursday I took my last cymbalta. The internet is filled with horror stories of cymbalta withdrawal, but so far....nothing. Nothing except I actually feel alive. Now I'm hoping I won't have any withdrawal symptoms, which would make you laugh hysterically if you google "cymbalta withdrawal" but so far...nothing.

I have a very, very strange body chemistry. I can drink until I pass out and wake up the next morning feeling invigorated. (Only done this about 6 times in my life). I quit Paxil cold turkey without any symptoms other than some transient dizziness and a tendency to sob at a Hallmark commercial. I quit Lyrica cold turkey without any symptoms whatsoever, but I had only been taking it for a month. I hope that I don't go through withdrawal.

But time will tell. I'll keep you up to date. I knew I was in trouble when I didn't feel like blogging. I always feel like writing. But it just seemed too....much....trouble.....

Oh and SUPER AWESOME GROOVY COOL NEWS. I got mapped for my fibromyalgia and it's going away! The guai is working!!!! My fibro deposits are breaking up and going away!!!

When that didn't make me flip out, I knew it was time to quit the Cymbalta.

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MONDAY NIGHT UPDATE: No Cymbalta since Thursday. No withdrawal symptoms at all. Nothing.

Alas, I still have fibro...it will probably take a few more years to clear completely--but definite progress is being made.