Suing Your Mommy

So you thought it couldn't get worse? With Alzheimer's, it always gets worse.

This week Mom called and told my sister--in a taped answering machine message, Thank God--because we may need to play it for the judge--that she needed to hustle to the bank to withdraw FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS to give to the vultures who had convinced her that she had won a sweepstakes.

Four thousand dollars.

Not the mention that she had offered, once upon a time, to pay for Madeleine's violin lessons. I thought that was very nice of her. The cost is about $150 for a semester. She backed down because she didn't have the money. Now that we have access to her checking account we found out that she had the money to send $20 here and $14.95 there and $36.00 dollars there to "register" for "sweepstakes".

Funny, she had the money to send SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS to the church she belongs to. One thousand dollars went to the bishop's chair so he'd have a place to park his fat old butt when he deigned to show up for services. Five thousand dollars went for the building fund. She pledged to contribute fifteen thousand over three years. Hate to break it to you, oh mighty minister to the aged, but you won't be seeing the rest of that money if we have any say so. I did ask her why she pledged this. She said she just felt that she should.

So I'm feeling better and able to work and all (thank God) but this week was once again taken up with a round of frantic phone calls and visits to numerous banks, waving our power of attorney. We've been able to access her most used checking account and found check after check written to claim "sweepstakes prizes." This happens to be illegal. The vultures are circling, sensing easy prey. Well, I have news for them. You've plundered from the wrong people this time, vultures. We both worked at the attorney general's office for a spell and we have friends there who are working to stop this behavior. And we have copies of cashed checks which show just exactly where the money went. Some went to a place in Cherry Hill, New Jersey!

Phone calls were being made to her on a daily basis, it seems. Well, I have power of attorney. So I called the phone company and had her phone number unlisted and unpublished. But that's not enough. I pretended I was her on the phone and had it changed.

Changed. After thirty-seven years. It's still the number I'll remember when I'm old. It's still the number I dial to reach her, then jump when I hear a tone which says it's been disconnected. It's the number I automatically use whenever I'm trying out a new phone's keypad. Sometimes, when I'm tired and busy and distracted I think "I need to call home" and I will dial that number. Sometimes, after a 15 hour day, I actually find myself making the turns towards her house.

But it's gone now, buried in the bowels of the phone system. We haven't told her yet. We've contacted all of her neighbors, friends, siblings, etc. that we can think of. Tonight, when I called a friend of hers to tell her, Jeri started to cry.

Cry? It made me realize I ought to cry. But I don't have time. Neither does my sister. We have no time to process the grief. The tears will have to come later, when we have the luxury of time. Right now we're frantically trying to draw up legal papers asking to be appointed as co-conservators of her assets.

We had her mail diverted to my sister, so that's one relief right there. The "sweepstake prize offers" will stop.

And driving? Sis took her to the doctor this week and he told her to stop driving. She's already forgotten all about that visit. She was furious. She's still driving. Slowly and carefully. But I don't think you'd want to run into her on the road. We're debating about taking her car keys. Or her car. But she'll probably call the police. Where did I read that in some state, if you're officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's by a licensed physician, your driver's license is taken automatically? Would that it would be so here.

We got her key to her lock box so we could grab some of her CDs before she cashed them in. She forgot about that and showed up at the bank to report them stolen. And called her brother to tell him that two men had broken into her house to steal her lock box keys.

Does she need to be "put away"? Yes, but. If we can protect her assets and hire a home health aide to come in to help her (she'll fight that too) we'd like to keep her in her familiar environment with her adored dog. To "put her away" would require her to be taken away from her home, screaming and kicking. Kidnapping, in her eyes. Tears streaming down her aged cheeks.

Funny, I never imagined it would go down like this. I thought, wistfully, that if she descended into dementia, she'd go along with The Plan willingly.

Every day I remember how Daddy just keeled over and was gone into the arms of the angels. (One hopes). How "easy" it was. This isn't easy.