As Told To Meredith Viera

Health update: Test to determine if I had Rheumatoid Arthritis is back--and it's negative. THANK YOU LAWD.

So I want to share something that's been on my heart with you.

First of all I have no reason to ingratiate myself with Mrs. Melissa Summers of Suburban Bliss. Truth be told, I'm hideously jealous of her for getting to go on national tv. I hate her just a little bit, in a totally harmless non stalker way (smile), for getting more publicity than I do. But what can you do--what can you do that's legal about that? Not a thing, says I.

So Mrs. SB goes on the Today Show with an "expert" and Meredith Viera a/k/a "Hatchet Journalist" and they proceed to lambast her and other mommies who enjoy a cocktail together while supervising their children at play. Meredith (who I adored prior to this) actually asked "Would you let a babysitter do that?"....implying, of course, that the imbibing of one glass of wine while actually MOTHERING children is somehow the same thing as PAID CAREGIVER on the JOB imbibing alcoholic substances (which I heartily disapprove of).

I tell you, I honestly thought this whole thing was a joke when I first heard of it. I thought it was an "Onion" thing. I swear.

Read about the hatchet job here. Mothers must find healthy ways to relieve stress? Just who invented that law? Personally, I'm happy as a wino with a fresh bottle of Muscadine finding unhealthy ways to relieve stress. But, I digress. (Look! I'm a poet!)

So I tried to have a dialogue with Meredith (hereafter known as Santimonious, Unethical, Hypocritcal Journalist Who Admits Having A Relaxing Drink Of Wine Herself) over on her failing Club Mom gig. (Club Mom's ratings are plumetting--no wonder they cut blogger's pay in half over there).

I wrote a comment which, amazingly, has never showed up, so I'm posting it here for posterity.

How I Hit Rock Bottom

It started with an innocuous glass of wine in my tastefully decorated home one day while I invited several freshly bathed, college educated moms over for some relaxing conversation and a glass of the finest wine that Dollar Tree offers. We chatted lightly while our adorable urchins frolicked in the setting sun and felt a true sense of peace with the world.

One year later, after a series of playdates, I found myself smoking crack in a filthy single wide trailer, wearing a Motley Crue T-shirt from 1985 with unidentifiable, but suspicious, stains on it. A small trickle of drool wandered slowly down my chin. I looked over at my husband. He was eating greasy chicken straight from a box and surfing Soldier Of Fortune personal dating websites.

I looked at my friends. They were eating candy bars and guzzling straight whiskey. That's ok. Except that it was my whiskey. I would have to discuss this with them. BYOB-ever heard of that?

I stumbled over many empty pizza cartons and rat droppings to gaze with bleary eyes at my formerly beloved offspring, now reduced to wailing miserably in a tattered crib while wearing a vintage diaper.

I thought back on the day when I was able to find healthy ways to relieve stress. Right now I didn't feel so darn healthy. But, on the upside, I certainly did not feel stressed!

One takes what one can get.