Everbody assumes that Southerners all have, use, and enjoy guns.
Wrong!
I grew up in Brady Bunch land. Do you see Mike Brady dragging the dessicated carcass of a deer into the backyard, swigging a beer and wearing a wife-beater? *Well, I had a Mike Brady type of father. He went to work in a suit and carrying a briefcase and made pleasant conversation about grades with me.
But something tripped my trigger (a joke, get it?) this weekend. We have indulged in an orgy of violence around Chez Clueless.
It started when I let the girls on Netflix and heard Madeleine prissily lecturing Meredith about Spiderman II having "inappropriate violence." What?
You two little sissies. It's time to take a course in Whupping Ass.
Look, I'm into peace and lurve as much as the next but I am likely to have a child, age 18, walking home to her dorm one day standing all of 5 foot tall and weighing 90 lbs. I want my children to embrace violence as a method of self defense that works.
So off to that great American institution Walmart we went and the girls bought Ninja fighting toys, Indian fighting toys, etc. and I bought a cap pistol that has undoubtedly been embraced by my husband as a harmless way to work off the occasional homicidal urge I feel.
I could not believe that in the safe, gentle, soft, sweet and politically correct world of 2006 I could actually buy Indian accoutrements such as a headband, tomahawk, arrows--and even a tastefully decorated scalping knife.
However, they didn't have any cowboy toys.* Heaven forbid!
*1
I did work with a woman whose husband called her to tell her that he hit a deer on the way to work and she needed to pick the deer up and take the deer to The Place Where They Wrap Up Deer Meat For You.
*2
I take that back. They did have condoms and Astro-Glide lube.
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6 comments:
OMG! LMAO! That last line just killed me!
Cowboy toys. Heh heh. You funny.
Send them to martial arts classes.
Heh. I grew up in the north in a deer-hunting, bird-hunting, ass whuppin' kind of way. I embraced violence early, as a means of giving back to my cousins and brother as good as they gave me. At the age of 11 I broke my nose during a rough and tumble with my brother (who was, FWIW, extremely sorry the moment he heard the crunch.)
I say make those girls Cherokee Ninja cowboys as much as you can. Never hurts to hide the lethality underneath a thin veneer of lady-like manners. Sure will surprise the hell out of any boy who tries to take advantage of them!
Want to comment but am still laughing too hard!
This is what Tim wants to do with Katy, once we get her. In fact, he has this little kickass girl in his mind and often refers to her with the Chinese name we already picked as "Fighting Xiao-Ying." I MUST show his that photo of Madeline.
"I want my children to embrace violence as a method of self defense that works."
Thanks for my newest signature, clueless.
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