The Bee

DATELINE: 9:30AM, Wednesday, May 31

Isabelle: Good Morning, Clueless Community College.

Me: Hi! It's me. Just calling to remind you that I'm taking a sick day today. It's the awards ceremony. Madeleine is going to be entering the spelling bee. Of course, I *am* practically sick...with nerves. (hysterical, nervous giggle). You know she's so shy and she'll be getting up in front of all these adults.."

Isabelle: (firmly) Goodbye Lorrie.

11:30 AM. The inlaws and my mom arrive at the house.

MIL: What a lovely fireplace mantel.

Me: Why thank you. It's from this old house out in the country that Mom and Dad bought back in the 70s. They were going to fix it up. I always thought that Daddy had illusions of being like Oliver Wendell Douglas on Green Acres. (hysterical, nervous giggle). Anyway, it was this old dilapadated wreck that a self respecting ghost wouldn't be caught dead living in. Although I guess ghosts are dead anyway, aren't they (HNG-hysterical, nervous giggle). Anyway, I had to tell you that it was this old wreck of a house because when I first started dating Roger and I mentioned "our country home" his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree (HNG) because I think he thought he was dating a rich girl (HNG) and THAT wasn't true! (HNG). But anyway, they bought it for like $18K and the last I heard the new family that bought it was trying to sell it for $180K..but anyway I'm glad they never moved there because I am so not a country girl, I mean Marie and Donny used to sing about "I'm a little bit country, and I'm a little bit rock and roll and I used to always paraphrase "I'm not at all country"....(HNG)

MIL (desperately): Isn't it about time that we leave?

1:00 PM The Bee

I'm videotaping and standing in a long line of videotaping parents. I've shot zillions of videos. Once, when Madeleine was two, she started lifting her skirt to her waist and swinging it gaily during the Christmas show and I started giggling so hard that the camera shook. Now I'm losing control again. I was literally gasping for air.

Woman standing next to me: Honey, are you all right?

Me (gasp, pant, gasp, pant) I (gasp) guess (pant) so. That's my daughter up there!!

Sydnee got the first word. I couldn't tell you what it was at gunpoint.
Madeleine got the next word. Shriek. S-H-R-I-E-K. Shriek.
Sydnee got Naughty. N-A-U-G-T-Y.

MADELEINE IS THE WINNER!!! Of course I began sobbing loudly.

After the show, Sydnee's mom and I came face to face.

Me: We have some smart kids.
SM: Yes, but look who they got it from!
Me: Laughs.

To myself: Yes. Some nameless, faceless man and woman going about their day in Chenzhou, China.

Thank you, whoever you are.

Thank you...for my life, my love, my joy, my reason for living.