Color Me CluelessYou don't think I pulled the name out of thin air? If I wanted to be more flattering I could have called myself Christ-I'm-Hot in Carolina. Or even Crabby In Carolina.
I am totally clueless, and that isn't a good thing sometimes.
So Roger bought me a Sony Mp3 player for Christmas which came with 5 free downloads. I had heard the song "Hollaback Girl" for years on commercials. I liked the peppy beat and the girls just loved to sing along with the snatches of song on the commercials.
It was the first song I downloaded.
"Come here kids!" I bellowed excitedly. "Guess what I downloaded for you!"
Them young'uns are picking up the terminology of the new age. I heard Madeleine saying Meredith the other night that she needed to "upload" some water for her water pistol.
The angels flocked around me with beaming faces. The song began. "I heard that you were talkin' shit and you didn't think that I would hear it..."
What did she say? I mused to myself. Was it a bad word? Naw...Why this is pop music!! It isn't some filthy, disgusting, off radio song....
Alas my innocence soon faded as Gwen Stefani shouted over and over again, as the kids rocked to the beat....
"This Shit is Bananas!
B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
This Shit is Bananas!
B-A-N-A-N-A-S!"
My shit was bananas.
Roger stared at me like I had just popped a Triple X movie in the player. His face turned an alarming shade of puce.
"WHAT IS THAT SONG SAYING! THEY ARE NOT GOING TO HEAR THAT SONG AGAIN!" he screamed.
"Yes, darling," I agreed meekly, truly embarassed. "I had no idea! Honest!"
Of course, now the girls made it clear to me that their life would be, basically, ashes unless they heard the song twenty-seven times daily.
"We'll think of a new word, Mommy," they argued. "How about 'this stuff is bananas.'"
So now let us drop back and analyze the different approaches to take. Since this is my blog, you may assume that I am right. If Roger wants a forum, let him get his own blog www.marriedtocrabbycarolinabitch.com, eh, whatever.
I'll just make it easy and give you my (correct) approach first.
Use as teaching moment; kids will be exposed to "nasty" words often during their childhood. Explain that ladies don't cuss, allow them to listen to song since it's become the equivalent of the sweetest forbidden fruit, allow them to get sick of it, and move on with life. Don't make a big deal out of it. That is why my sister and I cuss like drunken sailors when chatting to each other, the sweet forbidden thrill of saying "damn!" when you grow up in a home where you can't even say "darn."
Roger's approach (wrong) Glue ears shut.
For the next few days, I had twinkling little puppy dog brown eyes staring at me as I attempted to cook, use the bathroom, surf the net, or read a book.
"Can we listen to 'Hollaback Girl?' they'd whisper softly.
Or, when Daddy left to coach a basketball game, the first thing out of their mouth was "Can we listen...?"
Realizing that *I* was correct, I allow them to listen to it upon request. Two weeks later, they're finally sick of it.
Roger will just have to understand that I'm right, as usual.
Well, I guess if I was really smart, I wouldn't have downloaded it in the first place!
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14 comments:
Hahaha..We have the edited version downloaded here.
It goes like.
The SHHHHHH is bananas
B A N A N A S
THE SHHHHHH is bananas
B A N A N A S
hahaha
That was hilarious!
At least you didn't hear the song and think it went "I ain't no Harlem black girl!" for six months like I did. Talk about clueless.
Yep. I feel your pain. Back when Shrek was our dvd du jour, my middle son would joyously sing out the lyrics to "Baby Got Back" (just as donkey did during the karaoke scene). Even at the checkout of the Piggly Wiggly. It took at least a year for him to get sick of that one.
Yesterday I was listening to an old Richard Pryor stand-up routine on satellite radio and enjoying myself immensely before I remembered my four-month-old was in the back seat.
The way I see it, the 300-odd instances of the f-word were probably good repetition of basic consonant sounds and he will be talking REALLY EARLY because of this, and so we can get to my inevitable humiliation when he tells my mother to go fuck herself even sooner.
God, I didn't even know WHAT the title of that song was until just now. I couldn't understand Gwen enough to sing along. What the hell does that mean, anyway??? it appears you are not they only clueless one.
Just found your blog and am loving it, btw.
When I was a teenager, we told my dad the lyrics to "I want your sex" was "I want your socks." Thankfully his hearing isn't the best and he believed us for a few weeks...then he wanted to know why the guy's feet were so cold!
I love your blog! Your girls are too cute! I also adopted a little girl.
My son rambled through that one for the longest time..."holla fact! or!"....WTF?
I had no idea that was the chorus though.
Even worse, my hubs bought the Eminem CD. Holy Mother of Pearl! Don't even listen to "Fack" unless you want your ears to melt off. We've locked that one in the liquor cabinet.
Hilarious. I'm just a lurker from Maud-L here, and I have to say I LOVE your blog. :D
-Allison
I liked the Saturday Night Live peformance when Gwen said "It's just my uhhh, just my uhhhh!" It's actually DIRTIER, for adults, than "Just my shit, just my shit."
In the video, every "shit" is replaced with her shushing herself. Same for the edited version of Outkast's "Caroline" (I know you like to think your shhh don't stink") And the "She's the reason they invented the word bitch (bitch!) is replaced with "...the word witch(witch?) crack me up, because the "witch?" conveys "Um, is that actually the word you're looking for?"
We listen to the "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut" soundtrack in the car, sans "Uncle Fucka" and "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch." (And we listen to the Violent Femmes version of "I Can Change" instead of the movie one) When Cat was 3, I didn't click "forward" fast enough, and she shouted "No, Mama, I wanna hear the fucka song!" Sigh.
I've just moved into an office with a cool friend who plays the radio all day. He's giving me a crash course in current music because my last music purchase was in 1998 or so. Because there's going to come a day when Dan Zanes doesn't cut it with LSP and I want to be ready.
And also, for some reason I cannot cannot cannot comment from any of our home computers. So apologies for dearth of comments from me. I have been reading.
Hi clueless, I was just blog-surfing tonight and I had to laugh when I saw this post, because I just wrote about the Gwen Stefani song & my kids today. Here is what I wrote about it in my blog: "The uncut version of Gwen Stefani's excellent "Hollaback Girl" contains the word "shit" a whoppingly egregious 38 times. Although I am personally more offended by the use of the icky term 'BM' to describe fecal matter (and although I am fairly certain that the 'shit' in question is one of them fancy metaphors referring to Stefani's creative oeuvre/mad skillz), I still feel vaguely guilty when this poop-drenched ditty is playing while the minivan is occupied by my kidlets. Therefore, I take it upon myself to protect their delicate sensibilities by turning down the volume during each utterance of 'shit' and dubbing in a more appropriate term, such as feces, stool, or the aforementioned BM in a deadpan Discovery Channel narration voice. Although this never fails to crack me up, I was informed several days ago that this routine was only funny to my fellow minivan occupants "the first 500 times."
I told my son she was singing "my ship". He's 6, and I guess he believed me because that's the way he sings it now.
It's pretty funny.
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