....as the Queen Of England Might Say. Or a Boarding School Headmistress.

Yeah, so it's one of those weeks where Jupiter ain't even CLOSE to aligning with mars, peace ain't ruling the planets, and I'm eating WAY too many ice cream bars. So I sincerely hope that you'll allow me a mulligan, and maybe I can come up with something lamer than the season premiere of Two And A Half Men. My mind is wandering..care to join me? It's a convoluted path.

Do you think Two And A Half Men has a chance in HAIL of making it past thirteen episodes? All due respect to the talented cast and I think Ashton Kutcher has mad talent, but it's like I Love Lucy without Lucy. "The Episode where Ricky Ricardo marries Lucy's sister after Lucy drowned in a vat of grapes." Nah, doesn't do anything for me.

Incidentally in honor of the 100th birthday of Loooocy, let's enjoy the theme song to the show sung by Desi Arnaz.

And did anyone think that the sign in Hollywood was kind of..well....considering it supposed to be father and son up there.....KINKY?



And Blogher came and went and I staycationed, all I ever wanted.....

I do not think that my first thought, upon seeing a black and white unicorn fighting, would have anything to do with racism. Of course I'm like Allie Brosh's little self when I see a CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE.



Picture by Allie Brosh, prettier, younger, sweeter, and 150% more talented but I still love her so at least I haven't become a horrible, jealous psycho.

But seriously, people? A CAKE? Now if it said HAPPY 150 YEARS OF DESTROYING INNOCENT LIVES AND HUMILIATING PEOPLE BECUZ THE CONFDERACY DUN GOT THEIR BUTTS WHIPPED and was prepared for the Ku Klux Klan, okay yeah.

If you have no idea what I am talking about, MamaPop had a cake at their annual Sparklecorn party this year with two unicorns, one white and one black, fighting. Go to www.twitter.com and google "racist cake" if you want to know more. Someone thought it had bad racial juju.

I don't have much to say about that except that my family has been discriminated against and it certainly didn't have to do with a cake. Roger(cancer) cannot give blood and I (fibromyalgia) have lost jobs because of our illnesses (Our premiums! We cannot afford to hire you.) We've lost promotions, jobs, party invitations, fiances (that's just me, Roger wants me to say that he has never had a fiance. Duly noted.) I can name 50 people off the top of my head (if it's buried in my Friends list on Facebook) who have lost jobs or lost career jobs due to ageism. I know a fat woman who was up for a job with a thin, sexy woman and the TS one was hired. Our girls often experience backwards racism. "You Asians! So good at math). I didn't want to see Madeleine take up the violin, I confess, because CLICHE much? Silly but I thought about it.

IT'S A CAKE. With mythical beasts on it. Who said they were fighting anyway? Maybe they were playfully head butting.

Okay, Friday night Roger purchased gas and went into a station to buy a snack at one of those Walmart and was either pickpocketed or left his wallet and so we have been bombarded with problems trying to get it reported, action taken, etc. He had his social security card in there. My blood pressure skyrocketed after I gently asked him that and he hesitantly replied, yeah, he thought so.

Our coffee machine broke down. I KNOW! I KNOW! THINK OF THE PEOPLE IN BANGLADESH WHO WOULD LOVE A CUP OF COFFEE.

Rebecca Black is being teased because of her song Friday, if you can believe it. THINK OF THE WOMEN IN BANGLADESH WHO NEVER WILL MAKE IT IN HOLLYWOOD....

We're all depressed the way you are after a good vacation, but I am spending it in an extremely NOT constructive way by spending hours surfing million dollar beach homes and eating three sugarless ice cream Krunch bars to console myself.

We're all restless and bored. Meredith was overheard giggling madly and saying, "I can't WAIT for school to start."

Madeleine's laptop is broken and I cannot even say hello to my Ipad with both it and Madeleine sneering at me. Please get fixed soon laptop.

And it's been so hot that nobody even wants to swim and then at dusk the summer thunderstorms arrive.

We have begun to register-fill out triplicate copy of each form sign here sign there what was your mother's great aunt's maiden name and bring a copy of your house tax bill or a rental contract and three light bills--the girls in school. Tomorrow I hear that a clothing trip to Kohl's is being planned, where Meredith will beg for more Tommy Hawk gear and Madeleine will want something with a skull on it. My eyes linger briefly on the adorable toddler dresses (DANGER: STUPID ANALOGY COMING RIGHT UP) which remind me of seeing past boyfriends. You know you wouldn't want to go back there, but sweet memories linger.

The 50 (no. not kidding Probably more) mosquito bites I received while traipsing frantically around Magnolia Cemetery in Charleston trying to visit my ancestors itch so bad that 10 Benadryl won't touch it at times.

I wish I could joyfully dance in the kitchen while preparing succulent homemade meals for my family but my tile floors make my legs hurt aggravate my fibromyalgia.

Two of my sweet inlaws are down with some ailments and in a lot of pain.

That's all that's new with me. What's up with you? At least nobody can accuse me of not trying desperately to improve your mood, for perhaps you are now shaking your head and saying, and I thought my week sucked.

And now, like Jesus, I will leave you with a parable that sums up the Terrible Horrible No Good Thing I experienced this week. I know you've heard it. A man was being stoned with heavy rocks by his enemies and was bearing up bravely. Finally a tiny pebble struck him and he cried out loud. A friend approached him afterwards and whispered, "Why, my friend did you not cry when heavy stones were thrown at you but cried when a pebble hit you? He replied, "The pebble was thrown by a friend people I thought respected me enough not to jump to the wrong conclusion."

Carolina Girls-Whitest In The World

I was downtown the other day picking the kids up from violin lessons and we all decided to get a sandwich from Firehouse Subs. They are delicious! (this is an unpaid endorsement).

Each store has local memorabilia, pictures, etc. on the wall and as I was idly scanning them, I saw this picture of cheerleaders at the University of South Carolina, 2009-2010.

I snapped a picture. Hold on, I'll get back to it in a minute.

Last night I beamed with pride as I watched Madeleine play her violin in the Honors Orchestra section of Irmo Middle School's combination orchestra/band Spring Concert. All of a sudden I nudged Roger gently, nearly knocking him off of his bleacher seat.

"Where are the girls in the drum section?" I hissed. (Due a mild hearing loss, my "hissing" can usually be heard in the next zip code.)

The drum section, the trombones, the large bass instruments--were all composed of boys.

And as you can see from the picture, there was one woman of color on the University of South Carolina Varsity Squad for 2009-2010.

What year is this? 1961?

I looked in on a class being held at the law school yesterday. There were 2 African Americans and 1 Hispanic. The rest were white with a few Asians mixed in. In the words of the immortal Marvin Gaye, "What's Going On?"



Did we give "integration" a try and decide we liked it the old way better?

Was it a coincidence that our economy was relatively stable when integration began to take hold?

Local private schools are now open to people of all color. Nobody can afford to send their kids anymore, though, and scholarship money is scarce.

A blonde coed at another USC--three thousand miles away--posted a video of her expressing her annoyance at Asians who had their "whole families swarming around her apartment house cooking dinner on the weekends" and made fun of Asians using their cell phones in the library to find out if their relatives were alive after the Japanese earthquake and flood. "The tsumani thing," I believe she said.



I worry about my own little world.

If my girls want to join a sorority at the University of South Carolina, will they be excluded because of "That Asian Thing?"

My girls' adopted great aunt and grandfather made their debut many years ago into Columbia Society, such as it is. Will they be excluded being of "That Asian Thing?" (Daddy thought it was such a waster of money he refused to even let me consider doing so. Being adopted, I'm not sure I could have anyway.

I don't know what's going on.

VERY DEMOTIVATIONAL

This is a post that is going to have a lot of wry reflection in it and is a Very Special Episode, so you know, draw up a chair.   A Takeaway Lesson will be included at no extra charge.

I discovered a fun website called verydemotivational dot com and I'm not linking it and here's the deal.

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I had a lot of fun making up silly posters like the Tiger Mom one.  I would make one, upload it to my hard drive, and delete it.  I made a whole bunch, like this one:

And I made this one:

And then I went on with my fabulous life.

Imagine my utter amazement when I received an email from vd saying that my poster had made the top page and CONGRATULATIONS!

Well, okay, whatever.   I deleted it--I SWEAR I DID.  Check my page carolinagrrl and see that there are no posters there.   

But all posters become the property of the website and somehow it didn't get deleted.  I cannot delete it.  I've sent a piteous email to the people at the site begging them to delete it immediately but they only work weekdays, so I haven't heard anything back yet.

People hate it.  They HATE IT.  The comments are vicious beyond vicious.  Somebody claimed to be 18, from India, and the creator of the poster.    It's gotten like 700 or so votes down and 400 or so votes up.

I posted and begged people to stop being mean.  That works well on the internet, of course.  Just like chanting at the moonlight while licking toad's blood cures fibromyalgia.

So here is the Very Special Episode:   Tom Cruise says he doesn't think about color when he looks at his African American son.  I get it, because I don't think about color when I look at my kids.

BUT THE WHOLE WORLD DOES.  AND SO DO THEY.  EVERY TIME THEY LOOK IN A MIRROR.

I just finished reading Sammy Davis Jr.'s biography when he talks about playing clubs in Florida near beaches with signs saying "NO N..., Jews, or dogs" and how he was threatened with death by some Hollywood mogul because of his relationship with Kim Novak.

Dr. Martin Luther King died in vain I think sometimes...like when I heard people in South Carolina joking they'd like to choose between taking a holiday on James Earl Ray's birthday (the cretin who assassinated the father of 4 young children and a hero) and Dr. King's birthday.

And the deal is that you can't brush off your kid's ethnicity by saying that you don't think about color.  Because you aren't parenting them. You're tossing off meaningless platitudes.

Being a parent means teaching your kids about hate, and preparing them to face a world where people believe that Asian kids are super smart, African American kids are dumb, and Caucasian kids are....ah, who cares what they are?  They're the right color, so they can be anything they want.  Fat, skinny, athletic, not, math wizards, not math wizards, good at basketball, horrible at basketball, etc etc etc. 

Nobody will ever look at a white kid sitting in an exclusive classroom, walking over a name campus, or sitting in a prestigious office and think, "Eh, the token minority hire.  They must be stupid/brilliant."

AND THAT IS WHY WE DON'T NEED A WHITE MISS AMERICA PAGEANT OR A WHITE ONLY COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIP FUND AND SHUT UP ALREADY.

People thought I was making fun of adoption, or making fun of Asian kids, or....I swear, I don't know what they were thinking.  It wasn't very funny.  I knew that.  It wasn't meant to be.  It was just a little joke poster I made for us.  

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But it certainly taught me a lesson.   The average reader of vd still thinks that interracial adoption is ridiculous, bizarre, stupid, etc.

I live in a world where I have enlightened, intelligent friends online and IRL.  I have sheltered myself from the type of people who wrote horrible stuff about this silly little poster.

I thought things were nicer out there.   They aren't.

Here's the Takeaway Lesson--People, if you aren't Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt,   Madonna, Sandra Bullock, Meg Ryan, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, or Katherine Heigl--and you adopt a child who doesn't look like you, remember.

They will be facing the people who commented and voted on my poster when they go to the movies, out to eat, to school, college, a date, a job interview, whatever.

Prepare them.  

ETA:  www.verydemotivational.com took down the poster at my request.  Thank you!  Lesson learned, and thank you Miss Cellania for the suggestion to make a poster and take a screen shot.  Save a poster, and the website probably has terms of service that state it owns the rights to the poster.