Every Teacher's Nightmare

Dear Students,

As the final grades go into the computer, we will have someone just like the kid in this video to deal with. It never fails.

Teachers have heard it all before. We know about your six dead relatives, your ex-boyfriend's sister in law's funeral, your devastating illness, your tire/engine exploding, the person who drives you exploding.

We know you are special and deserve extra time to turn in an assignment that the rest of the class turned in 6 weeks ago.

We know that such calamaties have befallen you that we weep for you at night, our tears slowly sliding down the beer can you forced us to drink in order to maintain our sanity.

We know that your parents/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/employer/kids will KEEEL you if you don't pass the class.

We know you'll lose your scholarship if we don't "give" you a B.

Listen up!

Although you may find this difficult since it will be the first time for many of your who stared into space as if awaiting the aliens spaceship to arrive or surreptitiously texted under your desk when you thought we couldn't see you, it will get easier with practice.

The requirements for passing the class were carefully explained to you, as carefully as they were explained to me when I was 8 years old. Yes, in my day. we were passed out stone tablets on the first day of class that we were expected...

Gasp.

READ ON OUR OWN TIME. I know!!! I know!!!! It's horrifying to contemplate.

We were supposed to sit quietly and take notes from the lectures, and if we missed a class, we didn't email the instructor to ask for a copy of his notes. We asked our friends for a copy.

We can guess your final grade after the first day in class with about 90% accuracy just by looking at the expression on your face and whether or not your eyes are spinning like a pinwheel or fixed upon us eagerly awaiting our every word.

But see, here's what we did. We know that you can "take it up the ladder" and sometimes win. This is one reason why we wish that we did not have to teach students like you. We tried to cover ourselves by grading papers in 3 hours that you took 3 weeks to work on so you can't claim you didn't get feedback. We created rubrics to give you feedback. We carefully documented notes to you encouraging you to come in for tutoring at the lab. We're ready for you.

Of course, we know that saying no will come back to bite us. It is so much easier to just say yes to everything you want.

This is extremely worrisome if we know we will see you again for classes for the next couple of years since you're majoring in our subject and that you can do untold damage to us on those ridiculous Customer Service evaluation quizzes.

Just understand this...we know you. We know what kind of a employee you will make.

If we are forced to say yes to unfair and burdensome requests, we will remember when employers want an evaluation.

If we can get away with it, we are not going to "give" you a grade, we're going to type in the grade YOU EARNED.

If we can't, and are forced to give you a makeup test or a special consideration know this....

Your employer won't. And when you look at your diploma on the wall one day, you will be ashamed of yourself knowing that you didn't REALLY earn it fairly.

Up to you.