The End Of The Innocence

I walked up to the apartment building.  The apartment was originally built as Mitchell-Lama housing.  I lived in a Mitchell-Lama apartment when I was in law school myself.   That means that it was built for middle-low income residents, but after 20 years it could be turned into for-profit housing.

It has been changed to luxury living.  From their website:

Two Bedroom Apartments available from $4100 - $5200

It's beautiful.  Just beautiful.

I walked in at 4:00 and the doorman rang Wayne's apartment and he wasn't there.  Wayne has no phone, no cell, and probably no computer.   I had no way to get in touch.  So I decided to wait.

The doorman and I became instant best friends.  He even allowed me to use the private bathroom for staff.  In New York, this is the equivalent of inviting someone into your home and allowing them to sleep on the floor in your bedroom.

We talked.  Or, to be more accurate, I talked babbled.  He was fascinated.  He had been working there for 15 years.   He knew Wayne well. 

People began arriving home from work.  A couple walked in with their briefcases, a 3 year old in a stroller, and a baby in a wrap.

"God, I'm tired."

"Yeah.  Whaddya think?  Italian or Indian tonight?" 

I rejoiced.

I did that!  I had the wedding, the ring, the two adorable babies, the two briefcases, the Christmas cards with the little matching outfits, the beach vacations.  I did it!!  I made my dream come true!!!!

thank you Roger, thank you China, thank you Places in SC who hired me, thank you Places in SC who hired Roger, thank you God!!! kept running though my head like the bottom of the screen on CNN.

I turned back to the doorman and told him my entire life story, except for the time that Mrs. Wood yelled at me in the 2nd grade for picking my nose.   I would have added that in also but he was too busy being interested in a Wayne that he didn't know.

"He had a girlfriend?  You lived with him?"

"Sure, for 2 years.  He just wouldn't put a ring on it," I winked.  "So I went home, cried for three years, woke up,  found Mr. Right, got married, and I'm back up here for a conference, and I thought I'd drop by and say hi, I never got to speak to him after 9/11, and he had terrible asthma, and I was so worried...I finally had a friend contact the doorman on duty after about 6 weeks, and the doorman said that Wayne was okay."

"I don't believe it," he mused quietly. 

"What?"

"Okay, you are going to be like I'm exaggerating and all, but in 15 years I've never seen him with a woman."

"You are kidding me."

"Lorrie, until you walked in here today, I thought he was gay."

"Gay? Oh hahahahahahahahaha......well...um....."

"I got you."

Buzz!!!  Text message from South Carolina.  My sister.

what the h r you doing?

Waiting at Wayne's apt.  Starting new business  Stalkers R' Us.  Boiling bunnies extra.

you had better behave

not blowing my faithful record of 19 years here, k?

no sign of him?

no, doorman says he usually shows up about this time

good luck

will keep ya updated

I held the iphone up and shot a picture of myself so I could remember...what?  

Remember so many things I could never forget. 

Remember the sweet innocent girl who once leaned into her man in the twilight while she was wearing a silky dress and heels, walking to dinner at a French restaurant. 

As Joan Baez sang, "speaking strictly for me, we both could have died then and there."

And like many stories irl, I waited for 4 hours and nothing. 

I slowly walked to the familiar subway station closest to the apartment, boarded it, went back to Cousin Sally's, went to sleep, awoke at 4:00 AM, boarded a plane, staggered off the plane laden with gifts that the kids loved, kissed the man I want to be with me for the rest of my days

and lived happily ever after.