Accidental Motherhood

Well it all went down like this.

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Last Wednesday I turned into the driveway after a long day slaving away at the salt mines.

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I was met in the driveway by Meredith giving an excellent imitation of a person who had just done a healthy snort of crystal meth.

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"MOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!" she screamed. "ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW NOW!!!!!!"

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Well, what do you do? I rolled down my window, my eyes gently glazing over. All of a sudden a stuffed animal was shoved into my hands.

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The stuffed animal looked at me. And I looked at him. And my gigantic brain kicked into overdrive.

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I'm holding a puppy I bet he hasn't had any shots don't puppies get all sorts of horrible diseases where did this puppy come from oh my god I need to run inside and pour bleach all over myself oh my gawd it's a live puppy!!!

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"MOOOM!!!!! ISN'T HE CUTE!!!!!" screamed a small child leaning in my window.

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I quickly handed "him" back.

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"Where did he come from?" I politely inquired.

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"Well Josh's mom's dog just had a litter and they're giving away puppies can we please please please please please have one Mom oh please because if you say no I'll just die and run away from home at age 14 wearing Goth tattoos and take up with a gang of roving Goth vampires and not even finish ninth grade before becoming a disillusioned, post modernistic nilhilistic sad pathetic shell of a human being living under a bridge I know you'll say yes Mom just look how cute he is oh please can we keep him?"

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I punted. "Ask your father." Who was conveniently at work until 9:15 PM that evening, and hated dogs. More than one, anyway.

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Roger pulled into the driveway at 9:31 and at 9:32 was remoselessly attacked by pleading children. But I had faith that he would say no. After all, Roger did not enjoy constantly cleaning up after one spoiled poodle who refused to step outside to "powder her nose" if there was one drop of precipitation in the air.

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I had to teach a class on Thursday night. I pulled into the driveway at 9:00 and met our new son at 9:01.

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Ladies and gentleman, may I introduce Spike.

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Ladies and gentleman, the same man who refused to adopt a third human child with me or take shag dance lessons was talked into adding ANOTHER DARN DOG to the family by two irritatingly adorable children.

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Perhaps I shall ask them if they would be interested in taking shag dance lessons with their father and me.