This year both girls are starting a new school--Mad will be in 4th grade and Mere will be in 1st grade. Mere--no problem. Madeleine--worry. I signed her up for ballet on Saturday mornings to keep up with two diaper buddies. I don't know anybody from my diaper days. If you knew what a SAC-RI-FICE it is to give up my Saturday mornings. Honestly, I should get some sort of trophy for that.
It means a lot to me, but it made me realize how silly I must seem to my mom. My mom would have never concerned herself with my social life. She was raised in the same farm town from diaper to diploma, and was one of the rich thin girls with blonde hair and green eyes, and the thought of being lonely never crossed her mind. She never started a new school with strange faces staring at you.
We used to race up to the school to see who was on the class roster. Roger, educated at private schools, never did that. There was only one class for each grade. Yesterday my sister and I raced together to the school to see the rosters for the kids.
And I let out a shriek of delight and extended my hands for a high five to Madeleine. One of the diaper buddies was in her class! Out of five classes! I did a little dance of delight that vaguely resembled a serious epileptic seizure.
Madeleine, crabby from hunger (she hadn't eaten in almost an hour) jumped and whined, "Mom, you scared me!" However, after being soothed with chicken nuggets and a vanilla Smoothie, she allowed as how having Syd back in her class after a three year absence while they attended different schools was a "miracle." I agreed, without irony.
Helicopter parenting. Wanting my daughter to have the treasure of extended friendships, or being overly involved in minute details of her life?
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10 comments:
I am a helicopter parent and probably will remain so. I can't get comforatble to just let Glenys go without constant checking. I am sure I am considered the overprotective mother hen.
Good to have friends!!
Beverly
You need buds. My young years, very few buds. So, I understand.
I'd give you that trophy!
Growing up, my parents moved me every three years. Until I hit 12 or so it was no big deal but when they moved my senior year I wanted to die. They just didn't get it.
I plan to try my very best (without overdoing it) to help or at least not hinder my kids. I guess we all try to correct the things our own parents screwed up and inevitabley we'll screw up something new, but if your heart is in the right place I think that's all you can do!
I guess I am a helicopter parent. I know that I tend to worry about all aspects of my children's life more than my parents ever did about mine.
M&Co at MyOwnCircleOfConfusion
I am very much opposed to helicopter parents but in this case you are not being one. Children need roots, need friends and need to belong. You did just fine. Now befoe I get flamed because of my stance on helicopter parents I want an opportunity to explain why I don't think they are good for children. When parents run interference on every area of stress, conflict or struggle for a child the message the child receives is that the parent thinks the child is incompetent. When the person you trust most says you are incompetent, you tend to believe them. Supporting your child as they find solutions, listening as the child shares their ideas and attempts at resolution are what is needed. Expressions of "I know you will come up with an answer and if that one doesn't work you can always try another idea" tells the child that you know they are competent and that even smart competent people don't always come up with the best idea right away. Now I don't think you should let your child 'drown' but you do need to let them put their heads underwater if you want them to learn to swim. LIke learning to ride a bike, you hold on to the seat to give them a start but then you have to let go. Yes, they will have a couple of accidents but skinned knees are part of the process. If you never let go of the bike, they never learn to ride. So yes, you need to parent but you also need to let your child fail and recover, struggle and be frustrated and find out that it isn't the end of the world. Be there for them, just not hovering. JMO
Did I mention that I love your blog and want to be a mom just like you? (when I eventually have children which is NOT SOON!)
Very cute photo, but ... um, it wasn't photo-shopped by any chance, was it? Just that the kids at the top of the slide look HUGE compared to your girls and their land-based pal.
I'm concerned about how many friends my kids have, especially since one is popular and the other is not. But I don't DO much about it, outside of discussing how to BE a friend. I will make an effort to connect with old friends if they ask me to. And I throw an perfect party for each once a year. Making friends is pretty much something they will have to learn by trial and error.
I met one of my best friends in Kindergarten, and we're still best friends 20 years later because our moms were willing to take the time and make the effort to get us together after she changed schools in 3rd grade.
Trust me, Madeleine will be very grateful for your sacrifice one day! :)
I don't think you sound like a helicopter parent! It's not as if you paid somebody off to be sure she'd have a friend in class. (Right?) And it's not as if you choose her friends for her. I think it's fine to create an environment in which her friendships can flourish.
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