lady madonna, baby at your breast, wonder how you mange to feed the rest....So.
Thanks for watching my video. You guys rock so hard. I really didn't think anybody would watch 8 minutes of boring kiddie pictures.
I created it with FREE and EASY software--from evil Microsoft. It's called Photo Story 3 and it's a snap to use. It took me hours and hours only because I had to scan all the old pictures into the computer from prints. I highly recommend it--and YouTube was also very easy. Click, click. Thank you, YouTube and Blogger, for joining hands and skipping merrily down the web together.
So. Now. I've been reading the comments on Linda Hirshman's piece and I have a few comments.
1. I have learned that The Internet in no way really reflects the world that I live in. I guess this is going to sound ridiculous but it never occurred to me to criticize the parenting decisions that my friends make.
Ok, one exception--I stand firm in my belief that natural childbirth makes about as much sense as hitting yourself over the head with a hammer for 30 hours.
2. I had no idea that breastfeeding, circumcision, stay at home v. work, diapers, heck, plastic were such hot button issues! I have enough trouble finding cool women friends without alienating them by offering unwanted and unsolicited opinions about their childrearing choices. So, you work? Ok, hope the daycare is going well. You don't? Ok, let's talk about whether pot should be legalized. (It should).
Ok, one exception--I confess that for years, before The Internet, I went around smugly assuring childfree friends that they would eventually drink the Breeder Kool-Aid and want to add the pitter patter of tiny little despots to their life.
Sorry--Debora, Dwayne, Sharon. I apologize. I always wanted kids with a passion that put my love of Virginia Slim Ultra Light Menthols to shame. I apologize. Oh, I apologize. Sharon, I'm sorry that I immediately observed, upon entering your new house complete with a winding staircase, that "you should have a daughter to come down those stairs on prom night." In my defense, I was only 22 at the time. I even clasped my hands together like Al Jolson singing "Mammy." Oh, I blush. I blush.
3. I always felt that I wasn't hired for jobs because the VP's nephew's sister-in-law's choir director wanted the job, not because I was a Breeder-Sure-To-Quit type.
Ok, one exception, and this is the delicious, 100% true story that I want to tell you today.
Tara and I were friends back to the embryo days. Tara and Roger, my husband, worked in the same government office.
Tara got pregnant, sprogged, (I stole that word from the Baby Haters because I just love it) and started on her 6 weeks maternity leave. I knew Tara wasn't going to go back to work, but she doggedly insisted that she was. She investigated daycares, nannies, etc., but sounded about as enthusiastic as Rock Hudson at a Miss America pageant.
Tara had a tree hugging liberal boss who believed with all his heart that women should be cared for and respected and that mothers should be offered flexible, friendly accomodations. Do you know how rare this is in South Carolina? DO YOU KNOW? CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH? YOU TOTALLY CANNOT HANDLE THE TRUTH, Y'ALL!!!
We will call him...Steve.
All righty then! So Tara asked Steve for an extra 4 months maternity leave, and Steve cheerfully agreed. Steve did his job and her job for those 4 months. It was not easy. Y'see, we're talking about LAWYERS here, and you can't hire a lawyer temp.
Tara used up her maternity leave and did what I knew she would do: quit.
I applied for the job. An interview was scheduled.
Now I had to consider the dilemma. Steve and Roger were friends, and Roger wanted kids so much that if he could have breastfed, he would have had milk stains on his shirt. Steve knew this. I also considered the fact that Steve might not have..friendly feelings....towards women in the Breeder years at this juncture in his life.
So I decided to address the issue head-on. I said, "Steve, I just want to reassure you that Roger and I want children, but I love my job and would NEVER quit. EVER. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WOULD I EVER QUIT MY JOB. Anyway, you know how much Roger makes and (laugh) I don't think we could afford it."
Steve looked at me like...well....like Rock Hudson might look at a Miss America contestant. Cold, ice-blue eyes fixed on me. He slowly nodded his head, shook my hand, and motioned to the door.
I guess just mentioning the C-word, even complete with earnest assurances, was enough to drive him over the edge.
Steve hired...Dan. Dan the single man. (as an aside, I can't resist mentioning that Dan and I had once dated. Soap opera, anyone?)
Dan worked for about a year, married a surgeon, fathered a child...
and quit to stay home with the kid.
Linda Hirshman
mommy wars
Posts
9 comments:
Hahaha!
And the job you got now is better anyway!
And Steve got exactly what he deserved.
Guess I'm missing the point. Ah well.
Well it is a tough situation. As a small time employer within a large institution who supports my work with grant money, having one employee after another take 8 weeks off with pay while the work doesn't get done is hard on us. It has to be done of course but damn.
Great, great entry. The whole subject is so tough. This is one of my academic subjects of interest (I'm a labor economist). When we talk about the male/female wage gap, I'll ask students to list all the possible sources that they can come up with. They'll always come up with issues associated with the un-pc fact that women tend to bear the majority of the childbearing/childcare burden. They'll discuss leave for childcare, women planning careers with children in mind, and employer expectations about women employees of childbearing age, but then, inevitably, they assume that none of this is that big a deal. I'm pretty sure that it is.
Anyhoo, great entry. I may have to run off and write one of my own now.
Hi, I've been reading your blog, love your humor! What a hoot!
teendoc...I guess that just MENTIONING children was enough to trigger his phobia that I might have to take (gasp!) maternity leave, and might quit.
I still felt that I had to deal with the question under the unique circumstances, but he was apparently very, very angry. More than I knew at the time.
Well, that sure served Steve right! Hee hee.
Shannon over at "Bless Your Heart" reccommended your blog as a potential link from mine. I have a list of Carolina bloggers. A select list I might add. (Cry me to sleep! I couldn't believe at all the whackos from the Carolinas with blogs!) At any rate, I find your blog first rate and whould be honored to post a link for you. What say you?
Thanks,
Dread
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