My First Time

I was excited and nervous.

I had heard that it was really cool and lots of fun, and I just could not wait anymore.

I..I....think my partner got more out of the experience than I did.

The...act wasn't able to be completed, but the part I experienced was very tantalizing.

I knew I would like it when I got used to it, but I honestly didn't expect that it would change my life.

Or that I would want to do it all the time.

In the bedroom.

At the office.

First thing in the morning, last thing at night.

I like to do it so much I sold my dining room set so I'd have more room to do it in the dining room.

Yes, surfing the internet for the first time was quite an experience.

It was ten years ago. I had reserved some books online with a DOS system, but I hadn't actually seen a picture appear on the screen.

We opened one of those crappy AOL discs and get 'er good to go. I checked out a book from the library entitled something like "Get On The Information Highway! A Guided Tour Of the WORLD WIDE WEB!!!"

It was written by a young male, so you can only imagine the websites that he recommended. The first one was entitled "My Girlfriend, Claudia Schieffer."

We fired up AOL for the first time and heard this brrrr...screeeeeech....clickclickclickclick...brrr....screeech...as the primitive connections attempted to talk to each other.

I typed in the address and waited...

three...
four....
five...
ten...minutes.

A hazy blur began to take shape. I could dimly see a picture of Claudia Schieffer in a bathing suit.

"OMG!" I screamed. "IT'S A REAL WEBSITE."

Well, part of one. Half the website never showed up. The website read "My Girlfriend, Claudia Schieffer! (at least after she breaks up with David Copperfield). It contained a tribute to her unearthly beauty and pulchritude, as well as her breasts. He especially outlined why he liked her breasts. Man, he thought she had some lovely breasts. Yep, did I mention that he was willing to forego eternal salvation and sell his grandmother to a passing street vendor if he could but only look at her breasts?

Now you can see why my partner derived more satisfaction out of the website than I did.

It was...still good for me though.