Last night I approached our bed and viewed a most unappetizing sight. Roger was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa snoring and two snorting, twitching, sweating, breathing kids were occupying Roger's place.This is not unusual. We sleep all over the house. Everybody starts out in one place and changes to another. It's like a G-rated episode of Melrose Place or something.
I composed a poem on the spot:
The family bed,
Makes me wish I were dead.
Of all the snorty tworty granola eating breast feeding sling holding non circumcising theories of child rearing out there, I hate the Family Bed stuff the most. I'd like to slap the Family Bed proponents right upside the head with a lead filled pillow.
GIVE ME MY SPACE DAMMIT. GET AWAY FROM ME WHILE I SLEEP. PREFERABLY IN THE NEXT BEDROOM.
Man, I'm so filled with the love while awake that I have little bluebirds singing around my head. I hug and kiss my family all day long. But when I'm ready to go to sleep, I want to sleep alone. I do not want any sweaty, loud, vigorous co-sleepers.
I was lying there last night thinking about it. I absolutely refused to let a child in bed with me back in the old days. Of course, that was easy, because there were no children in the house. Once the kids came, I softened up like a stick of butter in July.
I read somewhere that orphanage kids "needed a break" and for once I allowed love and compassion to fill every fiber of my being. I kind of agreed with that. The poor kids had slept in a lonely, hard crib during their earliest days. The least I could do was cut 'em some slack. They are allowed to sleep with us when they have a bad dream. Interestingly enough they seem to have a bad dream every night about 4:00 AM.
Oh but gawd I hate it.
My sister is responsible for this, just like most other bad things in my life (cough) splitting the inheritance (cough). I had to sleep with her as a child. Graduate students rarely have large houses. She twitched, sweated, snored, and flung her arms around while sleeping with me.
I guess my parents thought it would make us close, but I felt much closer to her while lying in my very own double bed in my very own bedroom at age 8 (after Daddy got a job as a professor) and remembering her endearing qualities from afar.
Yes, I achieved nirvana (my very own bedroom and double bed) at age 8, and it was such a special thing that I still have my first set of sheets because they make my heart lift every time I look at them.
I remember the last night my sister and I shared a bed, right before we moved to our new house. I woke up at 2:00 AM due to her hideously annoying flailing about. I tiptoed into Mom and Dad's bedroom and told Mom that I Could. Not. Deal.
"What do you want me to do, dear?" whispered Mom, undoubtedly thinking very loving thoughts about me at that moment.
"Please! Can we get the new double bed mattress out of the den?" I begged. "I WILL SLEEP ON THE BEDFRAME--ALONE--before I'd spend one more second with that brat!"
And that is just what I did.
And it was glorious.
Posts
13 comments:
And not just the kids, the spouse! I've told my wife I want to invent/build/sell the "double-queen" bed. You know, a bed the size of two queens pushed together. That way, NO ONE touches me in the middle of the night.
I'm with you on this subject!
Ooooh, a double queen. That sounds like heaven.
I'm with you on this Lorrie. I don't want children in my bed either. Sometimes I don't even want Sarge there! (Mostly because he snores and flails, a la your sister.)
I love to have the bed to myself, but thats a random thing. My girls shuffle from mei mei's room to jie jie's room, to the living room to my bed. I often wake up with the kids and two cats hogging my electric blanket. And sometimes they will get a wild hair and sleep in a cardboard box or the recliner or a sleeping bag.... but they mostly end up in my bed.
I fantasize about sleeping all alone. Nightly, I kick the kid out over and over (and she slept in a crib until she was 3.5 because no matter how many people told me it was ridiculous and she was too old, I just thought "but she can't get into my bed as easily from there" and that was that). I imagine hotel rooms, all to myself, no one else snoring (I can do that myself, thanks), no one's knees in my space, no kid's hands or feet finding my belly or nipples (how in hell does she always manage to elbow or knee my nipples? HOW???).
Sounds like heaven to me. If we had a guest room with a decent bed, I'd sleep there often. as it is, I retreat to the couch about once a week. Sigh.
well said, my love, well said. no babes in our bed, either. :) it's just...well, WEIRD.
Oh god, do I hear you. We're working on getting Li out of our bed and it's been a NIGHTMARE but every moment that I get in there by myself is heaven. I slept by myself in a full-size bed from the time I was 12 and learning to share even with my husband was awful. With a three-year-old? HELL. Gah.
We completely rejected the family bed idea. How insane! Now you just need to get rid of that big hairy snoring man, maybe slide in a compliant, shaven undergraduate male, and you'll be happy.
Or wait until the girls go to college. Actually, come puberty they should be gone from your bed. Let us hope.
ahhh! I agree 100%! I never even gave co-sleeping a passing thought. I knew for certain that I couldn't bear it.
Oh, and I'm over from tertia's and a fellow South Carolinian.
-Blue
You crack me up. I've had a kid or a husband or two (NOT at the same time) in bed with me for thirty-two years plus. I love it when I have the covers and all the pillows all to myself. My nine-year old has woken me at 5 a.m. twice this week with his nightmares. He said he was afraid. I told him the only real thing he need fear is the alarm clock which is going to awaken his mother in thirty minutes and then she will spew obscene epiteths for all to hear.
Kathie
This latest post from you just cracked me up. I tried to read it to my husband but he was too busy to hear it so, instead, I just laughed aloud for a long time and made him sorry he didn't know what I was laughing at.
I don't like sleeping with my kids but I do LOVE snuggling with them. Their little warm footsy-pj-clad bodies and messy hair and sweet baby breath. It makes my heart feel content to have them so close.
But a full night of good sleep makes my heart pretty content too!
:)
Donna
L,
You are too funny. I love this post and I agree with you 150%. I love sleeping alone. No family bed for me, never, no way, no how.
Shirley
The way all of you are talking you should take a look at yourselves. Maybe all of you should have stayed single and not had kids. If you can't stand the spouse being in the bed with you, you shouldn't be married then. As for the kids, the time will come, sooner then you think, that you will wish they were younger and would sleep with you in your bed. This post sounds like a lot of people resent being a spouse in a family. Think about it.
Anonymous - Did you know that lack of sleep inhibits immune function, increases blood pressure, increases symptoms related to depression, and raises cortisol levels/increases the stress response, and decreases cognitive function? (there are many more adverse side effects of inadequate sleep, but I think you get the idea)
For a person suffering from insomnia or sleep disturbance every moment of sleep is crucial to their overall physical and mental health. Being the best parent/partner you can be means taking care of yourself so you can be present and engaged. You aren't going to be present and engaged if you are sleep deprived.
Think about that.
Post a Comment