I imagine that after seeing this picture you will conclude, as we do, that some moral guidance and religious training is in order...
So a phone call was made to Our Lady of Perpetual Contributions Catholic Church last week.
(ring, ring). Hello, Our Lady Of Perpetual Contributions, may I help you?
Me: I'd like to talk about getting our children baptized.
OLPC: Certainly, my name is Dora Good. How old are they?
Me: Five and seven. (and I'm sure that I'm the first parent you've talked to this week who suddenly had a religious epiphany right about the age that children are old enough to be enrolled in your inexpensive Catholic private schools, right? At least I'm not like my friend's friend who converted from Judaism to send her kids to a good Catholic school, right?)
dg: And could you tell me about y'all's religious background?
ME: (contritely) Well, you see, my husband is Catholic, and I'm Episcopalian and it's just been such a struggle to decide... (who got to sleep in and who had to get up with the kids on Sunday mornings and which breakfast joint to hit because you see we are your typical lapsed yuppies who figured God would surely understand if we skipped church for 30 years)
dg: Certainly. I understand. Well, we'll be glad to start working with the children, but it'll take a while to get to baptizing Madeleine. You see, after a child turns seven, we have to educate her in the ways of the church. She now has a conscience.
Me: Yes ma'am. (bwahahaha! Dr. Evilla has a conscience? Good luck, sucker!)
dg: Now, Meredith is a different matter. We can just plug her right into the system.
Me: I understand, but I think Madeleine would feel bad if her sister was baptized first. (She'd feel bad? The nuclear disaster if Ms. Thang didn't get at least 1/2 of the attention at a ceremonial event would cause small birds to fall out of their nests and devastation to riddle the landscape)
dg: We'll see what we can do. Now how about you? Are you interested in becoming Catholic?
Me: Not at this time. (I suppose "oh hell no" would be an inappropriate thing to say to a nun?).
dg: All right. Looking forward to working with you.
Me: Me too.
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9 comments:
Do they require proof of baptism to attend Catholic school?!
No, and actually we're doing this out of a sincere desire to acquaint the girls with the church. At this point, we're thinking public school, but figured why not get the girls baptized, make mom happy, expose them to religion, etc. I feel that I am a better person for having religious training even though I've a lousy Christian.
Well as someone who grew up Catholic I think you are doing a wonderful thing in bringing them into the fold -- because then they will have a load of stories to tell about nuns and confession and penance and all kinds of other Catholic things the rest of the world finds amusing in a weird quirky kind of way.
...and now, by 'which breakfast joint to hit', you DO mean Cracker Barrel or Huddle House, right?
I hear ya. I grew up quite Catholic. Just got scared about possible mandatory baptism for school - don't know why I interpreted it that way. I'm hoping to leave baptism up to my daughter to decide like my mom tried to do for me, but the grandmothers nearly had heart attacks, for surely my precious little baby soul was going straight to HELL otherwise...
Are you sure you didn't grow up Catholic? Because you sure sound like a lapsed Catholic if I ever heard one.
We passed our Church the other day and my son (who's 5) said: "Mommy, that's the Church we used to go to."
I thought it was our church, but apparently, its been a while. Guess we need to go back again...
I'm doing it backwards; the girls are in parochial school, but there's no danger in us becoming Catholic. They go from Catholic school to Baptist daycare to Christian (Disciples of Christ) church. Thats after years at the Nazarene Church. They are becoming pretty well ecumenical.
Hey, some of my best friends are Catholic!
Good luck!
-Amy(esq)
Cradle Catholic who, thank God, was able to get baptized BEFORE she had a conscience.
"After 7 she has a conscience." Hahahahaha! It's a good thing I was baptized early on because I, uh, never really developed a conscience.
Oh jinx. I see Amy(esq) is on the same page as me. Well, great minds think alike.
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