Yeah, this is original, but I hate Valentine's Day. And yeah, I don't have a single original reason why.
I don't have much use for cards and jewelry and candy and all that claptrap either. Mom always told us, "Write me a poem." ..which spawned some of the most godawful poetry ever committed to paper, but saved a fortune in card money. For Daddy, she'd grab a paper towel and write "Happy Valentine/Birthday/Anniversary" on it and stick it at his place at breakfast. So you can see that I do come by it honestly.
I did insist on a honkin engagement ring which you can see in the flickr pictures if curiosity consumes you but it's put together like this: My ex bf said he'd like to buy me a "promise" ring. Sadly, I was so pathetically thrilled at this "promise" that I immediately went out and paid for it myself since he was a little short of money.
Unfortunately, the only "promise" he kept was to rip me off and break my heart. Anyway, the ring is beautiful. It's 2 diamonds with a sapphire in the middle. Well, I'm too practical to ditch an expensive ring that I paid for myself so I just had Roger buy a diamond for the middle of it to replace the sapphire.
I didn't get a thing for my birthday, but Roger did make me a computer printout card and one from the kids. He refused to write me a poem, though. Creep.
Roger bought me roses for our first V-day together and was thrilled when I thanked him profusely and got him off the hook for the rest of his life. He didn't get me a thing for V-Day, and I got him a box of candy for 1/2 off at a local drugstore on Friday and wrote on the receipt: "My love for you is as large as my ego" and slipped it to him in private so the kids wouldn't insist on reading the card.
Some people have accused me of being a man in disguise.
Update: Now with the most spectacularly bad poetry ever written!!
Mother, you are so nice.
You are sweet as spice.
-me, age 7
Without your love Mom I don't know where I'd be
But with it I'll be editor of the Washington Post eventually
-me, age 19
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