Grieving

I look like I've just lost my best friend!

Oh wait--that might be because...

Y'know, after many years dating men (euphemism for "have your poor heart stomped on once again, girlfrien') I basically do not trust men at all. I assume that they will lie to me, cheat on me, and leave me. The fact that my husband has never, in 14 years, done any of these things does not mean that I have let down my guard for an instant! Not that I'm checking his collar for lipstick stains or anything.

But women friends--ah, that's a different story! Sisters to the end, sitting around the nursing home sneaking cigarettes and chasing the one ambulatory male left...

Ah yes.

My first indication that girlfriends were as ephemeral as boyfriends was a woman I'll call Katherine.  I have never been able to figure out why she dumped me as a friend. Inseparable pals in high school, we kept up through college. Our friendship continued into our 20s, but she left to pursue a career in NYC when we were 23. When I was 25 I excitedly paid a visit to her place of employment in New York City. She came out and rudely told me that she had no time for me. The last time I saw her was at our 20th high school reunion. I invited her back to the house and she politely declined. I can't figure this one out.


This is the same person who wrote in my yearbook

All kidding aside
I'm your very best friend
You can count on me
Till the very end

I actually groveled and wrote her a letter begging her to tell me why. Nothing.

The second heartbreak has been another friend. I can't figure this one out either. We've been friends for 20 years. Last year she told me that she had no time for me--not now, not in the forseeable future. Well, you don't have to drop a freaking hammer on my head.

Now before anybody reading this thinks, well, conceited much? Not everybody likes you. Remember we're talking here about two people who acted as if they wanted to be my close dear friend for years, and years, and years, and years. And then disappeared mysteriously. Without a harsh word. Without a fight. Just....all circuits are busy now.

Now I must confess there's this girl from my past that I dropped..and I've never been able to tell her why. It would only hurt her feelings and not change anything. I'll tell you why here. Because she's a boring blabbermouth. Because once I adopted kids she made it a point to tell me in excruiating detail just exactly how much fun she and her husband were having being childfree and what misery I was getting in for. Well, there you go.

I feel better now.

Somehow I must have annoyed or hurt them. I just wish I knew what I did. Then I could apologize, and try to change.

ETA:  I finally heard from Katherine and she told me that "she had moved on."   Whatever.  I've taken down the shrine I had around her picture and blown out the candles.  Her loss.  And I'm cuter.  (meow).

 I can't believe I had energy or time in 2005 to worry about 2 girlfriends dropping me.  Try 3/4 of your friends dropping you after you lose your job.