What's A Homosexual?

My parents believed in total frankness. They were generations ahead of their time. I asked Mom this question when I was about 10 and she said, "Let's look it up in the dictionary." So we did. It said that homosexuals were people who preferred to have sex with people of the same sex.

"But Mom...what do they, um, DO?"

"I don't know."

We're talking about the same woman who earned a master's degree in Public Health from the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill and didn't understand why she was being asked to evaluate saliva samples from prostitutes for the Florida State Board of Health.

We had several closeted gay members of our family and it Just Was Not Discussed until I attained the age of teenagerhood where I felt the need to enlighten the moronic adults of the facts of life. Everybody just shrugged and say, well, maybe they are, but it's none of our business.

A few minutes ago:

Madeleine: Can I watch anything I want on YouTube?

Me: As long as it doesn't have a lot of nasty cussing.

Madeleine: Whew! I was just watching two lesbians kissing.

Me: Okay.

Madeleine: Why do people do stuff like that?

Me: When I was kid and as a grown up, I wanted to hug and kiss and marry a boy. Some people want to hug and kiss and marry boys, some want to hug and kiss and marry girls. It doesn't have a thing to do with them being bad people. Don't ever let anybody tell you anything different!!!

And people should be allowed to marry anybody they want, but they can't in this stupid state. But if a boy wants to marry a boy, he should, and if a girl wants to marry a girl, she should be able to. Remember I showed you my friends -- a family with two girls who are married and have kids? And you know your uncle is gay.

Madeleine: Yeah, and he's really cool. Man does he give us great presents.

And off she goes.