I wish you could have known her in the old days. My mom, that is.She was funny. She asked about you and really listened. My sister and I have friends who considered her their second mother. She was feisty, and independent, and educated. Got a masters degree back in the 40s when it wasn't common.
She could sew anything and made most of my high school wardrobe. I gave away a lot of the clothes--now I wish I hadn't. They might just be retro chic by the time my girls are teenagers. The wide legged pants are already coming back...
I was so proud of my loving, funny, smart, pretty, kind mom.
Dementia--or Alzheimers--or something--has turned her into a raging bitch--not all of the time, but enough to wound.
Now she's a bitter, lonely, mean woman who will say just about anything and has lost a sense of personal boundaries. You know how you have people who won't take a hint and get off the phone? Day before yesterday she called to discuss her bowel problems. In excrutiating detail.
"And I think I have anal lumps, so I took some Milk (pronounced meelk) of Magnesia..."
"Mom, we're sitting down to eat. Please don't tell me more."
".....and I'm still not having any luck, feel all backed up.."
"Mom! PLEASE!"
"Well, I guess you don't love me anymore." Click.
And she's so right. I don't love this woman. But I love the woman she was before her body began to fail her.
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how helpless you must feel. Hang in there : )
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Getting old is hell and realizing your mother is getting old is so hard that I wouldn't even acknowledge it with my mom. I hope that I age gracefully but there are no guarantees. I guess with our children we love the potential and with our parents it is loving who we remember. It seems the marriage vows have some validity with our other relationships also. In sickness and in health is a hard vow to honor. Thinking of you and wishing you the best
I'm so sorry. I myself feel sorry that my father was, truthfully, never a wonderful person, making his increasing non-wonderfulness even that much harder to tolerate because I do not feel that I owe him anything. On the other hand, my mother, too, is wonderful, and I can see (and may someday face) where losing the wonderfulness but not the person would be brutally painful -- particularly since I will always feel (and be) indebted to her for all that she has done for me.
My best to you, and to all that is good in your mother. May you find the strength to show kindness to her even when her current situation makes doing so (very) difficult.
-- Alex
Lori, I'm so sorry. It's not fair.
AW, Lorrie, I am so sorry. You're walking a path most of us will go through sooner or later. That doesn't make it any easier, I know. (((hugs)))
Wow, my mother was brain damaged from heart failure and just the opposite happened. She was very cold towards me as a child but for the last 9 years of her life lost all of her inhibition and opened up - it was so bittersweet. I hope your memories of her as your childhood mama can sustain you!
My husband's grandmother was a wonderful person until Alzheimer's hit her too. Then she also became mean. You never know how this disease will hit.
I have lost both my parents now and I'm only 45. My mother died just 5 days before her only grandaughter and only left-handed grandchild was born in China. I hate cancer and I really hate cigarettes.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's agony to watch someone deterioriate in such an ugly way when you want to remember them the way you loved them.
I am sorry to read this about your mom after remembering the beautiful pieces you have written about her in the past. The photo you posted of her holding you as a baby still sticks in my mind.
I am there with you as we just placed my dad on a locked assisted living unit in the same building my mom has an independent apt. He no longer knows who I am and hasn't for at least the past year.
We just found out today he does have a genetic mutation similar to one I have which may have predisposed him to his 3 strokes and me to my 3 miscarriages.
The one joy these past 10 years has been our dd-but it breaks my heart when she says she misses Pop Pop's voice and she wishes he still remembered who she was. He was so happy for us when we got her referral. I hardly recognize him now.
Mega hugs to you and your mom.
I'm so sorry.
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