UPDATE: Thanks for the great advice! I will be using it and will report back.
"My child will eat what I put before her," vowed the pregnant woman in the lunch room today.
I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat, and it wasn't because of ill fitting knickers. It was because I remembered a night last week....
We arrived at Myrtle Beach on Thursday. Madeleine was feeling a little poorly, but I did not feel like taking my life into my hands and informing her that she was not going to get to go on her much awaited beach vacation. The girls have stood by my side while I went through surgery and a painful recovery and they deserved some fun.
We got there and I made a quick trip to Walmart to pick up some supplies for the weekend. Madeleine had skipped lunch and her afternoon snack. She only wanted some soup. I threw a few cans of Campbell's Deluxe Chicken Noodle Soup in the cart and gaily skipped back to the hotel room.
"IT HAS ORANGE AND GREEN THINGS IN IT," decreed the royal princess. "EWWW!"
"You must eat something," I said desperately. "Give it here!" I grabbed the bowl and carefully extracted all the offending green and orange things.
Now ordinarily I would have told her to go pound sand & left her to forage among the many healthy foods in the pantry for her nourishment, but we were pretty much out of options at this point. However, on a daily basis, we do cater to their desires.
Madeleine: Dead animals, sugar and dairy. NO vegetables (except corn. I put corn into every meal). Drink treat: Sugar Free Lemonade
Meredith: Brown rice, vegetables, NO desserts. Drink Treat: Diet Rite.
I reason that I certainly have my own likes and dislikes, why should I force a child to eat food they hate? Isn't that setting them up for food wars? Making food into a power struggle?
What is your opinion? Should you force a child to "eat what's on their plate?"
I do not mean allowing them to skip a healthy meal in order to consume Krispy Choco-Lard Arterycloggers. We don't have food like that in the house. But forcing a child to eat a food they hate...what do you think? I really have no idea what I'm doing here. You could call me...
Clueless.
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23 comments:
I had a friend who recounted the "You will eat what's in front of you or you can't leave the table" issues growing up. He said that sometimes, he and his sisters fell asleep at the dinner table because their parents refused to let them leave the table until they cleared their plate.
As long as they don't get rickets, live and let live.
The only thing I tell Glenys is that she doesn't have to finish anything but she can't play in it. I let her eat what she wants within reason. I have my favs so why not she. I encourage her to eat good things like veggies and she is not old enough to realize I don't eat them. We will see. She is only almost 3.
Beverly
We've been struggling with this. Our current (and very changeable) rule is that if the kiddo doesn't eat her dinner, that's okay, but she must eat something reasonably healthy before consuming sugary goodness. We like her to at least try everything at dinnertime, but don't make her eat mashed potatoes every single time we have them when it has already been established that she doesn't like them.
This has been hard, though, as she becomes pickier. And all the rules are out the window today, because she's sick.
I love that photo!
We are currently raising the worlds fussiest eater. Kai is 4, and has only been home with our family for 17 months. He won't eat anything you have to chew. His diet is: oatmeal, applesauce, rice, noodles, soup, smoothies, and milk. Refuses: crackers, cookies, bread, whole veggies or fruit, meat. We are making progress, but don't push it. If we can get nutrition into (and we do) we're happy.
When I was a child I was forced to eat a serving of canned diced beets. I sat at the table until long after they were cold. Finally I gave in and swallowed them all whole, and then promptly vomited them across the table. I've been off beets for 40 years now, and that was the last time my mother tried that battle.
Dude, if you are expecting regular Campbell's Chicken Noodle, none of the many other abominations of Campbell's Chicken &_______ or _________ Chicken Noodle soup will do. When they add the carrots and celery, it tastes different, and the texture is different.
Nobody should have to eat what they don't like, especially when they're sick.
But. Seems like a good idea to make them try everything at least once.
We make ours eat a few bites of something new and if they truly hate it then they don't have to eat it.
When I was a kid I detested scrambled eggs. I used to sit at the breakfast table for hours
until my dad took his afternoon nap, looking at those nasty eggs.
i make her try - i reason with her that she would never know if she enjoys something if she doesn't try it a few times - and even if she has tried it before i still make her try again. often times by the third or forth try she wants it. saying no to things is more about being in control and less about what their tastebuds are formed to in my opinion.
I encourage the kids to try things, but I don't make them eat whatever I put in front of them. There are more important battles to fight, so I choose not to make food one of them. Right now I have one who won't eat beef because she thinks cows are cute. She makes herself a sandwich on those nights. Food battles at my house = whatever. I eat lots of things, but not everything, and I don't think my kids should have to, either.
i ask connor to try stuff (at 7 he will actually try most things) but i would never force him to eat anything. that is just abusive and is more of a parental control issue than a childs.
I usually try to make things I know they will eat, ie chicken or beef. I will add side dishes. They must try one bite of the side dish. If they don't like it, they don't have to eat it. I am not, however, a short order cook so what we have is what we have. They can have more of what they do like of dinner.
Also, if I know it is a control issue, such as asking for something, then not eating it, I simply throw it away while they are watching. This way it is their choice. They will not have anything more until the next meal. By then they are hungry enough to not be picky.
Teresa
Our rule was that we had to at least try a bite of anything we claimed was "gross" before being allowed to turn up our nose at it. We didn't have to eat everything on our plates, but we also didn't have to put stuff we didn't want on our plates. We were never forced to eat anything, but my parents didn't go out of their way to cater to us either.
The result? My sister and I will eat most things, but my brother is an extremely picky eater. So I think pickiness may be more nature than nurture. Do what you think is fair and make sure the kids don't starve, but I don't think you can predict how their tastes will develop. I think the "at least one bite" policy was a good one.
No. Fighting with kids about food only sets you up for food wars. I watched this very thing play out with my nephew. He is now a teenager and still uses food as a control mechanism to this day.
When my own child decided that he was a picky eater, I stopped keeping junk food in the house. This way he only had good food to be picky with. Treats are just that: treats...and they are not given to little ones who have not eaten enough good food that day.
Second, I always praise him for giving everything one taste, because if he does not like it, he does not have to eat it. Surprisingly, he will eat most anything he tries...even shrimp. So, apparently, he is braver and less picky than I, his mother!
The above mentioned nephew once saw that my son had not finish everything on his plate and did not understand why he was not in trouble... I told him that I had watched that game play out with him and it wasn't pretty, so I was not going to fight with my child about food. The nephew nodded in agreement.
I don't believe in forcing a kid to eat at all.
But I do think that if she doesn't eat what I'm giving her (and it's not something new and experimental), she isn't all that hungry, even if she tries to talk me into swapping for something else. So I try to resist swapping in favor of "eat that, or get down." Is ay this in a completely uninvested, non-mean tone. I mean it and follow through if she wants to get down.
If it is new and experimental and she's picking or asking for something else, I thank her for trying the new thing, give her the something else and try the new thing again a couple days later.
She usually goes for the new thing on the second or third try.
At this age, I am trying hard to invest in a non-conflictual dinner table. No power struggles over food if I can help it!
We do what everyone else here does and it seems to work pretty well. I have "virtual twins" but one is 30 pounds while the other is barely 24. With the little one, I have a rule that says she can have as much Pediasure as her little body can take. Some days, she's so picky that it's the only thing that keeps her alive!
Donna
Our blog: Double Happiness!
I don't think you can force a child to eat what she doesn't want. So I don't try. School cafeterias will take care of some of that, because when a kid is hungry and has no choices, she will try new things, and sometimes like them. Its worked for us, although its a slow process. Now that they can cook, I have even less control over their diets.
LOL you are too funny. I love the picture. I still remember after my parents left the table my Grandma would eat my peas for me... Oh, how I miss my Grandma
For what it is worth...
I have three daughters and I teach Kindergarten. So.. we have a
"New Food Club" at our house and in my classroom. It works great for my little people, but frankly, my 13 year old does not care to join our club much any more! Go figure!
At any rate, you try the new food, you are a member :)
Kelly in NC
Our rules:
1. No playing with the food. If you're done eating, ask to be excused.
2. "Just try it. One bite, that's all" of everything that's served at a particular meal. After one bite, she's off the hook.
3. No sugary goodness if a reasonable portion of something healthy doesn't precede it.
4. If it's a spicy dish, I allow for an alternate meal -- Chef Boyadee "tubs" and pbj sandwiches are a popular choice.
Edie
My daughter got a kick out the photo. She asked "Why did her mom take a picture of that expression?" I explained it was to illustrate the article. Now she wants me to take pictures of her mugging all the emotions, too!
I expect the kiddo to make good headway on her protein, eat her veggies before she has a second helping of potatoes or whatever.
Kate hates tomatoes, so I don't make her eat them, I even put them in a separate bowl when there's salad. And she hates pasta, so I let her eat meat sauce with a spoon
Technically, I do want her to finish what's on her plate, but we don't let really offensive-to-her things GET TO her plate.
Hey, I hate raspberries and a few other things, and I wouldn't want to be force-fed them. And I have baaaad memories of sitting at the table trying to pour enough catsup onto my by-then-cold liver to make it even remotely edible. And crying.
Wandered in by way of Karen's blog.
Tertia has a post up about toddler eating right now, with 93 comments because every mother has been there. There might be something you can use, but there's a lot of repetition. A lot of people use the you-have-to-eat-one-bite rule, probably because it works. I used it myself. One commenter called it a "no thank you bite".
BTW - your children are beautiful.
Generally kids will get all the nutrition they need over a week's time, forcing them is just wrong (I know, I was a victim of that--I wonder what would have happened if I'd thrown up the asparagus across the table? I'm sure my dad would've thought I did it on purpose and I'd have been in deeper doodoo). With my daughter, who's now 35, I was very successful with: this is what's for dinner, if you haven't finished by the time we do, then it goes in the fridge, you get hungry later, that's what for a snack, otherwise you don't get anything until the next meal. She not only survived quite well, but now will eat just about anything. Unfortunately, I was not quite as persistent with my son, 26 years younger and he's a bit pickier. He still has to try everything, and it cracks me up when he discovers that HEY! I LIKE Brussels sprouts! Lord, don't let there be any fat or grisle in the meat, though.
As a kid my parents tried to tell me that eating carrots would improve my vision. I'm 43, & my vision is horrible. I won that war. I can't even have them on my plate. On the other hand, I loved broccoli, cauliflower, beets, brussel sprouts. Go figure.
Now my daughter is a whole new story. When asked what she wants to eat, Erin will immediately tell you waffles, pancakes, french toast, nuggets, lox or if we're lucky sushi (to her that's shrimp & sweet potato tempura). Occasionally, we can get her to eat yogurt, cheese (any form) or cottage cheese.
I don't believe in forcing her to eat what I will have to throw away. It's not worth the stress. I have a niece who is a terrible eater because of my in-laws, & her children are just the same way. Noah has been eating chicken nuggets & macaroni & cheese for 6 years now. It's all he eats.
Nope. No food wars here!
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